Philippe Lazaro
OCTOBER 2016

Improv Graduation

Improv is cool because you spend a lot of time pretending to be Daft Punk wanting to come clean about your identity, or a teenager wishing Kevin James was your dad, but also, it’s pretty good for you. Learning to have each other’s backs and be adaptable and all that.

If nothing else, it’s a more acceptable place for my smart-assery, so a year ago, I signed up for classes. Last night, my team had our graduation show!

Getting back into improv is something I had in mind for years. I loved doing it in high school & early college. But that was ages ago. Procrastination, pandemics, parenthood… you get it. But I’m lowkey grateful for the delays because it put me on the same track as my Metal People teammates. You make some great friends in the improv world and this squad exemplifies that.

We actually like each enough to be doing a bonus class as we launch as an indie team. We’ve got something like a half-dozen shows in the works over the next few months so stay tuned for some dates!

Niksat

“Niskat, an age-old practice in Ethiopia, should be thought of as a kind of body art like tattooing.

Young girls, particularly in the northern regions of Ethiopia such as Tigray, Gondar, and Gojjam, get Niksat drawn on their faces, necks, gums, and hands.”

–Getahun Asnake

When I encountered this woman in Amhara, I couldn’t resist complimenting her ink. You know how I am with tattoos in other cultural contexts. I love how so many different people around the world practice tattooing and have such diverse rituals and meanings around them.

For the most part, tattoos are religious in nature. Crosses are prominently featured. Necks are often decorated with intricate chain-like patterns.

It tends to be a more feminine tradition, as the most traditional tattoo artists were often older female. In the late 2000s, there was even a legendary tattoo artist in her mid-80s, who was something like the Apo Whang-Od of Ethiopia. In some regions, its mostly women who get tattooed, while in others both men and women are decorated.

Hold space for pain, not blame

It’s been a really intense time in our world for the past few years.

A podcast I was listening to yesterday talked about how global conflict is at an 80 year high. Unless you’re quite old, you’ve never lived through a time where so much of the world was engaged in a war of some sort.

It’s a challenging thing to accept because in many ways my lifetime has coincided with an unprecedented period of peace for humanity, but the past few years are a very unwelcome step backwards.

Palestine and Ukraine are the places that most people have been struck by, but we’ve got like 30 ongoing episodes of mass violence. Places like Armenia, Haiti, DRC, Ethiopia, Sudan are having really heated crises fly under the radar partly because of our own biases in what we pay attention too, but partly because I think we’re burnt out on keeping up with all this.

I’ve noticed a lot of people struggle to talk about these things and to process them. It’s hard for me too, and I essentially got degrees to do just that.

As difficult as it is to talk about these things, I think it’s important to keep trying to have the conversations.

The movie Zone of Interest is all about a father trying to build his family a dream home right next to a concentration camp at Auschwitz. I think trying to ignore everything going on and live our ordinary lives simply because we struggle to wrap our heads around things is kind of like that.

When we see images of violence and horror inflicted on totally vulnerable people, children… responding to it isn’t so much about having the right words. It’s about reaffirming our shared humanity.

I want to share two big observations I’ve made over the past few years, as I’ve tried not to look away from all that’s been happening,

I also want to share a couple of ways that’s impacted the posture I take when taking in all of these images and having conversations.

It basically comes down to resisting the blame game, and making space for people’s pain.

First of all, it’s very easy for conversations about war to be all about whose actions are justified because of what the other side has done before. One example:

Four years ago, it looked like things were really going to escalate when a U.S. drone attack killed one of the highest ranking Iranian officials.

There was a lot of talk, like, well, since you’ve done this, you’ve given us no choice to retaliate, but the U.S. was kind of like, the reason we did that was to retaliate against this other thing you’ve done, and this is kind of how things work when you have two powerful countries that are hostile but not at war.

If you were to trace all of the moves and counter-moves back throughout history, one of the most important dates you’d run into would be 1979. That was the year that a more fundamentalist regime took control of Iran and dozens of U.S. citizens were held hostage in that country for months. It was a really big deal, and as you see, it still impacts global relationships today.

One thing that strikes me as pretty interesting though is that 93% of Iran is below the age of 65. For the majority of Iranians, 1979 is either something that happened before they were born or while they were children.

From Gaza to Ukraine, if you pay attention to the rhetoric used to justify military actions, it’s usually a leader saying they’re trying to reset things to how they used to be. How they should still be. They appear to nationalism and nostalgia.

I remember one leader from Kenya, in response to the Russia-Ukraine conflict, saying that if the countries in Africa all decided to wage war in ofer to sort out getting each people group their rightful land back, the bloodshed would be unbelievable.

I understand people have a relationship with their land, and I get that this is of significance.

But as the Kenyan representative pointed out, our most urgent task is to find a peaceful way forward.

So what are you supposed to do, just concede to your opponents and let them walk all over you? I will say whole-heartedly that I don’t know. At the political level, how do you move in the direction of de escalation without jeopardizing your country’s safety or existence? I’m really glad it’s not on me to figure that out at a country level.

I do know that at the person-to-person communication evel, I can make sure the conversation is framed around the goal of building peace, rather than assigning blame.

The blame game is how these conflicts get passed from one generation to another, depriving the oncoming generations of more peace.

Conversations about our global conflicts are not abstract. They’re deeply personal. In many situations, people have ancestral ties to the groups of people under attack, and its a form of collective trauma to see that take place.

In other scenarios, people are just grieved to see all the ongoing violence and devastation on a regular basis. We’re not meant to take that in so steadily.

Because these conflicts are felt so deeply, we also need to remember to make room for people’s pain.

When we don’t make room for the pain, that really feeds and furthers the cycle of blame. When people feel as though their experiences, anxieties, or traumas are being seen by the world around them, it creates a stronger need to assert that anger.

More often than not, it turns into two sides trying to justify, rationalize, or downplay the pain felt by each other, rather than simply recognizing hurt where it exists.

I’m convinced that making space for the pain other people are experiencing, and the hurt and uncertainty that are in their worlds is one of the most radical re-humanizing choices we can make in our world today.

It’s easy to feel like much of our world and our conversation is basically a constant shouting match. But everybody has some sort of a rationale to what they do, even if it’s nothing we’d consider rational.

I don’t think everyone is in position to do this every time, but I really think there’s something to those times that I see somebody who I’m opposed to in many ways, but I recognize the hurt or the fear that drives their choices.  

It’s been a tough time for our world. Let’s give each other the space to simply lament that before rejoining that never-ending shouting match. And when we do talk and share the experience with others, let’s make sure to remember, it’s not about trying to win the blame game. It’s trying to make it so the atrocities we witness today don’t keep repeating themselves tomorrow.

My Taste in Fours

There was this little game going around Threads a couple months ago and it was fun enough to adapt for over here.

My taste in four categories:

4 Films:
🎥 Big Hero 6
🎥 Arrival
🎥 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
🎥 Before Sunrise

4 Series:
📺 Kim’s Convenience
📺 Ted Lasso
📺 Psych
📺 Maya and the Three

4 Music Artists
▶️ Sufjan Stevens
▶️ Gallant
▶️ Kendrick Lamar
▶️ Vampire Weekend

4 Books:
📖 Factfulness by Hans Rosling
📖 Pachinko by Min Jin Lee
📖 Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
📖 Gilead by Marilynne Robinson

Meeting the Mud Wrestlers of Kolkata

My time with the Kolkata pehlwani

I never really know where my adventures are going to bring me, but this has to be one of the more unlikely destinations!

At the Hooghly River in Kolkata, pehlwani have practiced the art of mud wrestling for centuries. It’s both a sport and a spiritual discipline, a flex of soul and body. While the sport is pretty much ancient, younger wrestlers aren’t taking to it like they used to, making it a dwindling tradition. That said, most days you can find a group of men at the river, wrestling in the sacred mud.

When I found out about the practice, I really wanted to see it. And I got an invitation! Not just an invitation to meet some of these wrestlers… but to join them!

The saga started with me arriving in time just to watch their warm-ups. Their use of old-school workout equipment caught my attention. The big weighted clubs used as dumbells in the 1900s were still in use here. I asked for a demo, and quickly learned what makes swinging them around such an effective workout. You feel it in your biceps pretty hard.

During warm-ups, I got to chat with a few of the wrestlers. I met Suraj, who was the head of this akhara, the local name for the practice center. He inherited the role from his father, who was a bit of a legend in the world of Indian mud wrestling. Jwala Tiwari was at his peak in the 1990s, competing in national level tournaments. Unfortunately, the sport had already begun its decline in popularity that continues until today. As younger Indian wrestlers preferred the modern mats, the practice saw fewer participants and smaller audiences. In order to keep his akhara running, Jwala Tiwari worked shifts as a parking attendant. Today it remains alive and under his son’s leadership as a result.

Attracting younger, newer participants remains a challenge. Many wrestlers begin in childhood, though that doesn’t quite happen like it used to. I did meet one man, who told me he was 39. I asked when he got started, and he also said 39. Thinking he misunderstood me, I asked again, but really this was his new midlife pursuit. He said that yoga was essentially his entry point. It was a practice about uniting body and spirit, and this felt like the next step.

This practice is rooted in Hinduism, particularly around devotion to Hanuman- the monkey deity of strength. “It’s all about power!” one wrestler told me. “Not for physique, not for four packs or six packs. Just power!”

Truly, a wide variety of physiques were represented at the akhara. From the rather slender to the fuller figured. But they made it work for everyone.

Since the mud is considered sacred, you can’t step foot on there without wearing one of the sanctioned orange loincloths. I was offered one so I could get better angles while recording some of the wrestlers sparring. And then my friend mentioned something else. They’ll even let you wrestle with them if you want!

I’ve never wrestled. No high school wrestling. I didn’t even grow up with siblings to play wrestle. So naturally, I suited up (or, down, I guess) and entered the mud.

When I saw who I was going up against, I was pretty surprised. Suraj himself. Leader of the Akhara. This is like putting the boss level of the video game immediately when you plug in the cartridge. Like, if Mike Tyson was your first opponent in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out.

The bell rang. Somehow I lasted about two minutes in the arena… I’ve never wrestled before. I had a hunch that my opponent was just teasing me by letting me hang for that long, though. I crouched low. Low center of gravity, and all that. That was something I knew about. He pushed, and I pushed back. And as long as we did that, I managed to extend the length of a match I never really expected to win.

Eventually, he decided to stop drawing out the inevitable, figured out a move to flip me by the leg in just two seconds. Sheer stubbornness allowed me to put off being pinned down too soon, but it’s not like I had any real shot of flipping the script and pinning him down, so I gave in. But what a match!

After some more duels, we all had a cool-down session in the mud. The guys massaged mud into each other as a way of keeping cool. One offered to fix my back. I had no idea I had any issues with my back, but as soon as he applied pressure and I felt a dozen things snap into place, apparently I did.

We asked each other a few questions about personal life. They invited me to bring my kids next time. While I’m less than jazzed about the idea of taking three toddlers to Kolkata any time soon, they aren’t wrong about the fact that they would love being thrown around in the mud.

We finished with a cool-down rinse in the river.

A huge thanks to the Kolkata pehlwans for being such a welcoming crew!

Mud Wrestlers

At the Hooghly River in Kolkata, pehlwani have practiced the art of mud wrestling for centuries. It’s both a sport and a spiritual discipline, a flex of soul and body. While the sport is pretty much ancient, younger wrestlers aren’t taking to it like they used to, making it a dwindling tradition. That said, most days you can find a group of men at the river, wrestling in the sacred mud.

When I found out about the practice, I really wanted to see it. And I got an invitation! Not just an invitation to meet some of these wrestlers… but to join them!

Somehow I lasted about two minutes in the arena… I’ve never wrestled before. I have a hunch that my opponent was just teasing me by letting me hang for that long, though.

Shifting from "HAVE-TO" to "GET-TO"

I GET TO are three powerful words.

Any given day, there’s a handful of things we *have* to do, and then there are those things we *get* to do. You know?

I always imagined an ideal working life was one where you had a favorable ratio between those two types of tasks, where the get-to tasks outnumbered the have-to tasks by a good amount.

But I don’t think I see those two categories in as much of a binary way as I did before.

I realize that any given day, the bulk of what I do can go either way. If I look at the things I put on my list, they can go down as either a have-to-do or a get-to-do thing by the end of the day, depending on how I go at it.

This perhaps isn’t always the case, but for me, the difference between something I *have to* do and something I *get to* do is often a shift in mindset and the way I approach a certain activity.

I often find myself sitting down to do some writing with an uncomfortable intensity, knowing I want to hit a certain word count by a certain hour, and I won’t really feel great until I can check that off my list.

But this is a bit absurd when I remember that writing and being creative is one of my favorite things to do. And when I remember that I GET to write, it becomes much more enjoyable.

I’m already pretty privileged when I think about it. Rather than having to do something rote and physically demanding like much of the world does in order to earn my income and survive, I get to do things that I consider fun. Things I would do, albeit in a different way, if I weren’t being paid.

So how I can I keep that in mind?

“I Get To” on The Creative Changemaker

Time out! If you’re more of an auditory learner, or if you really like my face and would rather watch me hash this idea out, I do just that on the newest Creative Changemaker episode.

Be generous with the amount of time you give yourself to get things done.

I’m often a fast creative worker. At least I know how to be. In a pinch I can produce content relatively quickly.

That said… this doesn’t result in my best content.

And it certainly doesn’t result in me enjoying the process.

Few things take the fun out of an activity quite like cramming it into an hour long slot and telling yourself you must get it done in a crunch so your schedule can also take on four additional tasks.

Being overcommitted, having to rush through projects, and always working under pressure is a good way for making all of my work feel like something I *have-to* do, rather than something I *get-to* do.

These days, I try and block of at least an hour for most tasks, two if it’s an especially big project. I’ll block an hour for a video I could perhaps create in 20 minutes. What do I do with the extra time? In addition to all the mood-making stuff I also mention on this list, I can take a moment to visualize the project from a big-picture perspective, why it’s important, and what I think I’ll like about it.

Remember that you only get to do this so many times.

If you knew you were a basketball player about to play in your last game, do you think you’d approach it a little differently? You’d still play to win, of course, but you might also try extra hard to take in the sights, sounds, and smells as you went.

I try to bring this approach to my creativity, even to things I still expect to do a lot more in the future.

I started trying this out in improv classes at a time I kept getting stuck in my own head. I told myself that opportunities to play like this as a grownup are actually quite rare in life, and that this was my one class this week. I’d have to wait seven whole days to have this chance again. I might as well enjoy it.

Having the mental exercise of micro-meditating on the fact that any moment you can do an activity shouldn’t be taken for granted can help you remember to take it all in.

Diversify the energies your tasks ask of you.

One thing I appreciate the work I do is that it isn’t monotonous. I can mix up writing tasks with speaking tasks, being on camera versus editing my recordings.

One thing that will quickly drain me of the enthusiasm I could potentially bring to each task is to turn them into marathons… give myself eight hours of writing rather than two.

Of course there’s a level of efficiency that comes by batch working, so I sometimes will string together a number of writing projects, but never to the extent where that takes up more than one time block a day.

When I’m planning out a day, I try to make sure that I have a blend of tasks- some that require me to perform a bit more and some that are more grounded, thought-based activities. Making sure that I don’t need to force myself into the same headspace all day helps keeps me at my sharpest.

Use at bat music as a part of your craft.

I probably spend more time thinking about the decisions that baseball players and wrestlers make about their walk-out music more than I should.

But it’s kind of a big thing. That music gets people hyped for you. And if you choose well, it gets you hyped for what you’re about to do.

What would be the equivalent of at-bat music for a writer? Perhaps a Spotify playlist, a candle, a coffee mug, all tangible, aesthetic things that can still serve as a mood-setter.

I think almost any sort of craft, performance, or creative endeavor can find its own version of at-bat music to use.

Do it terribly for fun, first.

I have a friend who does vocal coaching. One thing that she likes to tell new singers is that you’re probably a better singer than you realize when you least expect it. When people are just goofing around on a road trip and singing along to pop hits, they end up doing a lot of things right from a technical perspective. They project their voice better, relax their muscles, and most of all, enjoy themselves in a way people don’t when they’re conscious that they’re performing.

What’s up with this? I have a few theories.

The reduced self consciousness probably works in their favor. So does the reminder to have fun. It probably reminds you that singing is actually something you get to do when you aren’t doing it under pressure.

It also gives you permission to fail. More than that. It gives you incentive to fail dramatically and hilariously. And that’s actually something that can be really healthy for creativity and performance.

Pay attention to people who excel while having fun

Finally, I recommend being inspired by people whose excellence and ability to have fun are intertwined.

Growing up, there were two kinds of athletes. There were Randy Johnson types, who when it was his turn to pitch would be absolutely scary. Just pure intimidation. Someone you do not want to mess with.

Then there was his teammate, Ken Griffey Jr., who played with swagger, hat backwards, blowing huge bubbles with his gum. Not only was he one of the best players of his generation, but it also looked like he was having more fun than anyone while playing. He was dunking on guys and clearly getting a lot of life from it. Baseball-dunking, of course.

I love it when it looks like people’s skill and enjoyment feed off each other. Daveed Diggs acting. Outkast performances. It’s a quality I’ve come to appreciate.

Changing your relationship with your work, your craft, or your art is huge when you go from saying “I have to do this” to “I get to.”

I’m not saying there won’t be times of frustration and challenge and stuff to wrestle through, but maintaining your love for the game, whatever your game happens to be, is one of the most important parts of art.

Storytelling With Dignity

The most satisfying feedback I get for my work will always be when people say they can see the dignity of the people whose stories I get to share. There are too many examples of stories where people’s traumas and tragedies are sensationalized. Walking the line of letting people know the reality of somebody’s hardships while still fighting with them to assert their human dignity is often a challenge, but one I make a high priority.

It’s also not just me doing this. In order to make sure people are aware of how their story will be used, comfortable opening up, and eager to share it, it takes a lot of help. From my teammates who do the logistical arranging, providing advance notice so people can dress their best, to the translators who work to get ideas across in tact. Fixers who help navigate the gray areas. Photo and video teams who understand sometimes you have to sacrifice efficiency to really connect with people.

A whole bunch of people share in the work of storytelling with dignity. And I’m glad it matters to every one of them.

Potato Sculpture Class

Creativity isn’t so much about having a craft you’re really good at as it is bringing a perspective into the world. Which is why it’s important to have a perspective that constantly evolves. And the best way to do that is by doing new things. Different things. Unusual things.

So recently, I took an online class in potato sculpting. My favorite thing that was repeated again and again… let the potato present itself. The form of a potato will often suggest what shape lies just beneath.

I made a lucky cat.

Rare and Reluctant Baby Advice

Things the baby years taught me

At the end of last year, our twins turned two! 

In some ways that marks the end of the baby phase, though it doesn’t always feel like it. (Especially this week).

Being a parent today means there’s no shortage of advice coming your way in every direction, most of it well-intentioned, a lot of it paranoid, and some of it occasionally helpful.

To be honest, I get turned off by the quantity, comparison, and unspoken perfectionism present in a lot of these pieces of advice, to the point where I have no interest in giving advice to other parents.

All that said, there are a few things I’ve learned that just might be helpful to others on the journey. To make myself feel better, please don’t think of this as advice. Think of it as a few notes to myself of things I’ve learned during these baby years, and if any of it is helpful to you too, so be it.

Tantrums are a lot less intimidating when you remember how infant/toddler brains work.

I’m a sucker for those parenting-meme listicles of “reasons my toddler is crying.”

(A classic? He doesn’t want to go… even though we’re not going anywhere.)

This early in the game, brains are growing, but not evenly. The parts that process emotions are much more developed than those logic centers. Knowing that helps you have empathy, even if the belligerent screaming is still overwhelming.

One other thing I’ve learned is that if a kid is in the right headspace, meaning still upset, but with some degree of control, you can help them along by giving them a simple task like repeating a pattern or counting.

This stimulates their logic centers and helps brain activity be a tiny bit more balanced. It doesn’t always work, but the times that it does will make you feel like a wizard.

Get on their level.

In some ways, I mean this literally.

During a meltdown, when giving instructions, or many other interactions, put in the effort to squat or kneel down to eye level with them.

But also, think about what the world looks like from their perspective. Mostly unfamiliar. Constantly new and overstimulating.

Those of us raising babies often envy and romanticize this state of existence where you don’t worry about work, bills, money, etc. But the sense of constant unpredictability and little control over everything? We have no memory of what that’s like, but it can’t be pleasant.

Being a toddler is a tough lot. Understanding this can help us draw upon our better angels when we need to.

Build that village.

I cannot overstate how valuable having a support system is when raising kids. I also can’t fathom how some friends and relatives with much less support get through these years.

One thing I appreciate and admire about many cultures I’ve interacted with is the strong, collective sense of responsibility almost every adult has towards every child. It’s allowed parents to overcome many otherwise unideal circumstances, and it reminds you how for most of humanity, parenthood was a much less isolated task.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some drawbacks. Philosophies on how to interact with children may differ, and there’s no shortage of opinions coming from others. But having kids grow up with a sense of surrounding community is a really valuable thing.

This is the kind of project that can start well before parenthood, but it can also kick off through interactions with parents at a similar stage.

Even if most of your closest friends and contacts don’t have kids and don’t think of themselves as kid-people, maybe they can put you in touch with others who can help. We found our nanny somewhat in-directly through a colleague with older kids who now lives in a different state.

You can frame almost everything as a decision.

It’s a little gimmick I learned long before becoming a parent. First as a clinician for an autism center, then later as a substitute teacher. You may be familiar with it.

Rather than a forceful you have to eat you can find a choice for the kid to make that still results in them eating. Do you want to start with the potatoes or the blueberries?

You yourself probably don’t care what they start with. But now they have agency over something. And a decision to make.

Over time you get good at this. Clean your room becomes books or trucks? We need to go to school becomes which seat do you want along the way?

And then you discover all these other ways your own life can be about reframing things into choices independent of parenthood, and that restores a greater sense of freedom.

Parenthood will test your partnership.

I suggest people talk about this more and anticipate it going into parenthood. It’s one of the most challenging things you can throw at a romantic partnership.

When you take a closer look, this shouldn’t be too surprising. In the process of raising your own kids, all your values, expectations for the future, and resentments about the way you were raised get unearthed. Add this to the fact that you’re probably more exhausted than ever, getting less sleep, and under more financial stress…

It’d probably be weird if you weren’t coming into more conflict!

Talking about this, normalizing it, and even anticipating it can be really helpful.

To be transparent, our first year with the twins seemed pretty tough on our marriage. And then I hopped onto a Reddit thread for parents of multiples and I realized we were actually doing okay. A lot of parents were struggling so much individually, let alone as a couple.

Seeing that normalized helped me reframe it as a storm to endure. Counseling, offering each other generous assumptions, and trying to take on a spirit of I-got-your-back goes a long way.

Anticipate and accept your shortcomings.

Speaking of ideals, it’s so easy to build up expectations for yourself as a parent. It’s probably even easier to do this ambitiously if you had a less-than-ideal upbringing yourself.

I suppose parenthood is an area of life where being ambitious to do well is a good thing. Just remember that perfectionism is off the table from day one.

You’re gonna screw up. You’ll hand things down to your kids you wish you hadn’t but it’ll be much too late by the time you realize it.

I think it’s healthy to have some of this anticipated up front. Not so we can be complacent in wanting to work on ourselves, but so that we can be even more self-aware of our shortcomings.

Often, aiming for perfectionism leads to either really bad burnout, or a straight up denial of ways things could be better.

Hope you enjoyed this one-time-only bit of non-advice. 

I really do not want to be a parenthood content account. I’ve just made a lot of mental notes to myself I thought should live somewhere on the internet for posterity.

My kids really are the best gift, as crazy as it gets most days.

Joel Embiid

Embiid’s been going off. Just when I think this man reaches his peak, he peaks yet again. 70/15/5 last week vs San Antonio was an experience!

Alt. design inspired by 1992 Skybox NBA Cards. Perhaps my favorite example of 90s design in the sports world, along with crew necks featuring big-headed caricatures of an entire team.

Respecting the Audience

Go Beyond the Gimmicks

I recently had the chance to do a special tea time with Richard Blais at his restaurant, California English.

We had a brief but lovely chat about his approach to feedback as a frequent judge on cooking competitions.

I also got to learn that he has never seen the Spanish movie, The Platform, a film many suspect inspired his competition show, Next Level Chef. He notes he’s interested but hasn't had a chance to watch. I think he’ll be in for a surprise to see the common threads between his light hearted cooking competition and a rather dark and morbid piece on social commentary.

Anyways, it was a fun afternoon. Blais has been in the public spotlight for some time, has a good amount of media training, and one thing became really clear. He’s a public figure who has not lost the art of respecting his audience.



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Respecting the Audience

Getting past the gimmick

PHILIPPE LAZARO

JAN 27

 

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Notes from tea with a celebrity chef

I recently had the chance to do a special tea time with Richard Blais at his restaurant, California English.

We had a brief but lovely chat about his approach to feedback as a frequent judge on cooking competitions.

I also got to learn that he has never seen the Spanish movie, The Platform, a film many suspect inspired his competition show, Next Level Chef. He notes he’s interested but hasn't had a chance to watch. I think he’ll be in for a surprise to see the common threads between his light hearted cooking competition and a rather dark and morbid piece on social commentary.

Anyways, it was a fun afternoon. Blais has been in the public spotlight for some time, has a good amount of media training, and one thing became really clear. He’s a public figure who has not lost the art of respecting his audience.

It reminded me of some words I heard from Koy Suntichotinun, a sign painter known for a few viral TikTok videos and what he said about respecting the intelligence of his audience when creating short-form videos.

Creators who respect their audience are doing something really right, and the inverse of that is true as well. There are few things more memorable in a bad way than a creator who seems dismissive of the people who show up to watch them do their thing.

So, how do you build the deliberate act of respecting your audience into your workflow? I have a few ideas…

Play to your highest intelligence

That’s an improv adage that gets used a lot that basically means, try not to cheapen your humor or go for all the easy laughs with an endless string of penis jokes.

Of course, penis jokes come up quite a bit in improv. But there’s a difference between going there all the time as a crutch or because it’s the easy route, and earning it.

I live with a four year old, so I can definitely tell the difference when toilet humor is unearned.

That’s an improv adage that gets used a lot that basically means, try not to cheapen your humor or go for all the easy laughs with an endless string of penis jokes.

On the other hand, I used to worry that constantly playing to my more niche sense of humor would alienate most people. Instead it can be a great way to connect with the audience members who really share your flavor of weird.

No misleading hooks

This runs counter to a lot of popular advice of 22 hooks guaranteed to capture your audience and bring views. So many of these recommended hooks are actually pieces of bait intended to trick your audience into watching… not meaningful pathways for connection.

Back to Koysun.

Koy is a local creator, who I got to hear speak about a month ago, and in his talk he noted how he opens a lot of his videos plainly stating what he’s about to do.

I’m making window art!

I’m learning about my parents.

And he said when he does this, he’s treating his audience with respect. Like they’re CEOs and he’s about to present what he worked on. That’s why I noted, you wouldn’t bring your gimmicky hooks to a job interview. There’s a level of respect that’s merited.

Manage expectations

I was recently comparing the two shows Lost and Manifest and wondered… was Manifest actually the better show?

Maybe it isn’t. It doesn’t feel that way.

It definitely didn’t have as big of a cultural footprint. A show from 2021 really won’t have as big of a cultural footprint as one from 2004 would, when we all tuned in to the same stuff.

But we should still consider it.

Lost ended on an unsatisfying, ambiguous note that did not meet audience expectations. It also made the audience feel like their time invested in the show was wasted. And much of this was due to the creators “feeling it out” rather than starting the show with a concrete end in mind.

Manifest on the other hand was canceled, but had so much fan demand to keep going that Netflix picked up the series. It’s dialogue was occasionally painfully awkward, but it at least gave a plot that had direction, and it ended in a way that brought closure. Something the fans of Lost never got.

All that to say, I think the Manifest audience got more respect from the show creator, if not the more enjoyable show. So much of that respect was delivered simply by setting and meeting expectations.

Don't live in this binary of what I want vs. What the audience wants. Explore together

Many creatives don’t want to feel like they’ve landed in a trap of pandering to an audience, only trying to meet the demands of an insatiable crowd. Artists like to envision that they’ve retained some autonomy and originality and haven’t just succumbed to being a vending machine through which the audience’s wishes are fulfilled.

At the same time, artists who are totally ignorant of their audience’s interests and wishes also seem to miss the mark. Just imagine a belligerent rocker tearing apart their own audience saying they “just don’t understand.” Not a good look.

The best thing I can say to this weird dichotomy is that you’re best trying to avoid living in a binary situation between either extreme. It’s a bit of both and embracing that tension is the best way to keep evolving.

When Trips Go Wrong

I share a lot of travel stories, and so I should make it known that behind the scenes of just about every trip I’ve taken lately is something that did not go at all according to plan.

My trip to Burundi was nearly derailed because back when I went, they required a negative covid test 48 hours before arrival… but the journey there is 36 hours, and when you add sleep time, I just had to take a chance flight to New York hoping the results came in while on the first leg of my flight.

I laid out an ambitious itinerary for my Ethiopia visit. Everything happened, except in the reverse order I planned. A death in one of the sites we planned to film meant we had to do everything backwards.

I’m also more conscious now of how much energy these trips take and realize that planning a buffer day to rest and feel alive again before diving in is a necessity.

One of the skills I value, not just out of travel but out of life, is adaptability. I’ve had a number of unexpected things happen in life that derailed expectations, and I wonder if that’s why I’m drawn to things like improv or even Chopped. Looking at a basket of weird ingredients and thinking, let’s see what we can make out of this resonates at some deep level.

These days, I go into trips realizing that every plan can go awry, but in spite of that, it’s still helpful to make the plans. Valuable. Make them down to every last detail, then hold them loosely. Somehow, that’s what works best.

The Morning Chai

This year, I got to enjoy my coffee in Ethiopia and my chai in India. I’m spoiled when it comes to caffeine.

Everything about the chai stands in Kolkata fascinated me.

Chai came served in thin clay cups that almost looked like mini-flower pots. These were disposable and would be tossed into the street afterwards, to be trampled and pulverized by cars, rickshaws, and feet by the end of the day. Since it was clay, it’s not as wasteful as most disposables… but I guess it still takes effort and energy to make the millions of these that get used any given week.

Chai Pulls

I loved watching the chai makers at work. Of course the highlight of watching anybody prepare a batch is the chai pull, when the liquid would be sent between pots being poured from up high. It looks at first like the chaiwala is being extra… except nothing about their stands is extra. The real practical thing they’re doing is aerating the tea.

And it pays off.

The foamy creaminess of a legit Kolkata chai is unlike anything else.

Some Remedies for Time Anxiety

Time anxiety is no joke! It takes many forms but often it’s the invasive panic that time is running out and you should be doing something differently with that in mind. It’s something I experience pretty often. I’ve often felt like for some reason, the days pass by more quickly for me than for most people, and that legitimately freaks me out.

I suspect I’m not the only one. In fact, I’m pretty confident about that because when I spoke about time anxiety at Truth in Comedy the other month, so many people came up to me afterwards to let me know how much they related to me sharing about my experience with time anxiety. It’s something that can be difficult to put into words, which is why I suspect we don’t talk about it more.

“One of the great ironies of a bucket list is that we make them because we know our lives are finite. But when our lists include all seven wonders of the world, all versions of that list, and all 197 countries… maybe we’re kidding ourselves. Making ourselves feel some sensation of immortality if the things we can do are endless.”

Sharing my whole storytelling performance from Truth in Comedy a couple months ago. This was a great night!

That said, here are some ideas, thoughts, and practices that have helped me cope with the experience.

“The secret of life is to enjoy the passing of time.”

This James Taylor quote helps me realize that the passage of time is what makes it enjoyable.

Life is a bit like music. Any individual note by itself is just a sound. It’s the movement from one note to the next, then the one after that creates a song.

Likewise, life becomes an unfolding story when you let one moment set up the next one and the next.

The beauty of seeing my kids grow up comes from seeing them leave behind younger stages. The beauty of my biggest accomplishments comes from the struggle at the start. 

Yes, it’s sad that the passing of time has forced me to say goodbye to all of my grandparents, to older relatives, to role models, and to friends who’ve passed too soon. But it’s also introduced me to my children, my nephews, and new friends.

I’ve come to really love stories told at an epic time scale, like Boyhood, East of Eden, Pachinko, or Demon Copperhead because when viewed in full, even a very difficult life can start to look very beautiful when you take the big picture look at it.

Drinking in what’s in front of me.

Time seems to run faster when your head is down. Maybe Ferris Bueller’s advice shouldn’t be devalued for its simplicity. Look around once in a while. Or pretty often.

On those days where I simply try to blitz through as many activities as possible in as little time as possible, I always arrive at the end wondering where it all went. I don’t want this to be true of life as a whole, so I try to minimize the amount of days like this.

I actually start out a good number of mornings simply trying to meditate a little bit on the fleeting nature of the day, the things I’ll miss from this era of life when it’s all done, and the gift of the day.

There’s a fine line between contemplating impermanence and obsessing over it, but I’ve found that keeping enough of it in sight is most helpful. If nothing else, it helps redirect thought away from worrying over things that aren’t ultimately important and instead prioritize what matters.

Accepting it.

“The time will pass either way.”

I heard someone say this phrase helped them overcome a barrier to starting a project that seemed dauntingly long. It can also be a mantra to counter time anxiety.

I think the key to dealing with time anxiety isn’t so much curing it or making it go away as it is learning to accept it and integrate all of the helpful things it could bring while minimizing its disruptiveness.

It’s hard to mention this without shouting out one of the most helpful resources I’ve found related to this, which is Oliver Burkeman’s book, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals. That book very eloquently calls out all the ways we often fall for mental illusions that we can somehow beat the passing of time and thus our own mortality. It’s kind of an anti-productivity book disguised as a productivity book you often see at airport bookstores.

Refuse to live in a rush.

One of my favorite paradoxical experiences with travel is what happens when you visit many African, Mediterranean, Latin, or Island cultures (and many others!) People aren’t so beholden to the clock. Instead of acting like they’re always late or that they’ve always got to keep an eye on time, they move at a more relaxed pace. It’s like they’ve got an abundance of time.

The funny thing is, they end up being right! As they move slower, time seems to do the same. The days pass slower in Costa Rica, the Philippines, Portugal, Uganda, and so on.

The “one more time” mental exercise

There’s a thought experiment I’m fond of.

You imagine that you lived out your life, reached the very end, wound up in Heaven and get told that there’s some more paperwork to process. Before you get in, you can sit in some waiting room, where there’s just a bunch of old magazines, or you can relive a day in your life. You can’t change anything. Just relive it and enjoy the experience.

Then you pretend this is that day.

You’d look at everything different, huh? You can mix this experiment up several ways. Imagine what today will look like in your memory fifteen years from now, with the lens of nostalgia applied. Just remember that it all ends up something you can look back on one day.