#335 Juniper’s First Bath
01 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Overheard several times in the delivery room yesterday:
“There’s a lot of baby in there!”
Kai’s pretty much the same size as Rhys at birth, and Deanna managed to fit a whole other kid in there.
Juniper & Kai were born at 38 weeks and a day. When I found out we were having twins, I figured they’d come way early. I started clearing my calendar as early as October.
Of course, they’re better off having spent more time inside, but that was quite the feat for Deanna.
#336 Big Bro
02 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Today we went home to rejoin Rhys in full big brother mode.
Nothing like bringing home newborns to make your firstborn feel HUMONGOUS.
#337 Clek Combo
02 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Deanna loved the name Kai for a long time. I always thought Kai sounded like a good name for a super-chill guy who loves going barefoot, so I was cool with it. Then I learned a bit about what it meant.
In Hawaiian it means ocean. The memory of a dear friend who loved the ocean kind of sealed the deal for me.
Kai is apparently a pretty multicultural name and seems to mean a lot of things in a lot of languages- in Welsh, which is where Rhys’ name has roots, it means ‘Keeper of the Keys’ which has a cool adventurey ring to it. It means fire in Scottish, and food in Māori.
In Japanese it means shell, but also open and restore-two values I hold pretty sacred.
Kai’s middle name, Noam, is a masculine variation of my mom’s name, Naomi, which means pleasant.
I thought Kai’s mural should definitely incorporate some ocean elements, and since he has island heritage, I had a lot to work with! Bonus fact: Deanna made me redo the Philippine Eagle since she thought my first take looked too much like a creepy plague doctor in a Venetian beak-mask.
#338 This Big Brother
04 December 2021 // San Diego, California
While having newborns makes it hard to get anything done, there’s one big exception to that rule… it’s an excellent time for binge watching shows and movies. Here’s my paternity leave watchlist:
The Rescue
14 Peaks
Don’t Look Up
My Neighbor Totoro
The Flight Attendant
Psych
8 Bit Christmas
Money Heist
Spirited Away
Shrill
Hanna
Boogie
Found
Ingrid Goes West
Green Snake
Howl’s Moving Castle
Barry
Little Fires Everywhere
Neh
Barry
#339 Juniper Hangtime
05 December 2021 // San Diego, California
I thought my drive to my kid’s preschool was taking a bit longer… this 15m trip took an hour. And the problem is all over the whole city.
Glad that San Diego has been putting more into public transport lately, but we are so far behind the 8-ball.
#340 Sneaking rest
06 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Juniper was named after a tree and a podcast.
You didn’t think I’d have three kids without at least one of them getting an arboreal name, right? And junipers are pretty great, especially high desert junipers. I love their propensity to fight to grow upwards; even if erosion greatly shifts their base, they’ll manage to course correct and find their way upright.
But let me tell you about the podcast. In my opinion, an episode of Radiolab called “23 Weeks, 6 Days” is the best example of storytelling ever done via podcast.
It tells the story of a girl named Juniper who was born very, very, very premature. As the name suggests she was born right at the cutoff of what’s considered viable. And she and her parents had to fight- through holes in organs, six months in the NICU, extended times with limited responsiveness, and a major surgery performed on a one-pound baby.
I love all the ways that episode shows her parents going to bat for her. And a rerelease of the episode ended with the reporters spending time with her at age 4. It was a simple scene of her playing at home, but her dad explained simply “after you’ve been through what we went through, everything happened in those couple of hours.”
“The entire world was contained inside that morning. And all of the blank chapters of her life were inside that morning waiting to be written.”
That changed the way I look at every single moment. They all contain possibility as long as we’re here breathing.
•••
Juniper’s middle name is Phileena. At first glance it looks like a portmanteau of Philippe and Deanna, but that was a total coincidence and not what we were going for. Though, Filipinos do love a good (and sometimes not always good) mommy-daddy name mashup.
Phileena is an Anglicized, feminine version of my dad’s name, Felino. He passed away when I was five. Now he’s a grandpa to three.
#341 Together the Twins
07 December 2021 // San Diego, California
As a student, I would drive between my university town of Santa Barbara and my family’s home in San Diego regularly, usually at the beginning and end of each term, as they were punctuated by breaks and holidays.
When I mentally recreate the inside of the 2002 Toyota Avalon I drove, the burned mix CDs I inserted into the deck, and the knowledge that the big dark expanse over my shoulder was actually the Pacific Ocean… all the feelings come rushing back.
I think of M83 and of Montreal playing on those mixtapes, among other bands that felt like new discoveries. I recall the taste of a red velvet flavored hot cocoa from Coffee Bean… a frequent treat I’d pick up as a roadside companion. The darkness of the road at night felt centering, like a suggestion that all I could not see was really there- like all the dreams I had for each semester I faced. The people I had just met who might turn into lifelong friends. The girls I started talking to who seemed to take an interest in whatever I was saying. The places I might go. Service trips, study abroad, the anticipation. The big steps taken towards some ambiguous but lofty seeming future. The vast freedom and excitement of a night out in my college town with a big party school. Cheap vodka spilled on floors and Kid Cudi blaring through walls. The record store downtown. The vintage store next to it. Picking up new clothes to build a new look, not so much to impress but to be a little bit more of yourself. Santa Barbara, ‘08, baby.
Whenever I pull all these little sensory bits out of the closets of my memory, I’m almost overwhelmed with love for those moments. It’s gratitude and nostalgia mixed with a little wonder about what exactly makes that season of my life such a magical one.
I think it has to do with what I saw in the darkness.
Possibility.
#342 Do What You Love
08 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Feeling like the last week has been a roller coaster, but accepting that the roller coaster goes on for the rest of our lives and is a really beautiful ride.
#343 tREE fIELD tRIP
09 December 2021 // El Cajon, California
There’s a line in Sam Sparro’s song Black and Gold: “If vision is the only validation, then most of my life isn’t real.”
I feel that.
I think about the way I felt when my kids were born. I think about the way I feel when I’m exploring modern life in an ancient city. I remember walking out of the theatre after a stirring film.
Life is full of stuff that we can’t exactly see, quantify, or observe, but when we get down to it, these are the parts of our lives we treasure the most. We can’t even really describe these experiences. In these examples, I did my best, all while recognizing that words have their limits.
#344 Rhys and the Lights
10 December 2021 // San Diego, California
I think it’s easy for us to think of creativity as a personality trait where people simply have a plethora of novel, clever ideas inside them at all times.
I actually think creativity isn’t so much about the answers inside of you, but the questions.
It’s about getting comfortable with the things you don’t know, whether it’s some scientific phenomenon or a personal experience that left you wondering what it all really meant. It’s about being able to explore that mystery with playfulness, honestly, and a sensitivity to all the ways that’ll impact you.
#345 Freshman Year matcha
11 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Being curious isn’t something you need to learn… kids are the most curious of all. You just gotta find your way back.
Adults tend to research stuff to prove a point, where as kids do so out of pure curiosity. Free yourself from having to be an expert on everything.
Being too busy prevents you from noticing, which is step one from curiosity. Stay away from hustle culture.
Trauma also damages curiosity. I am so sorry if that has happened to you in a severe way, but it is so worth it to invest in what it takes to heal.
#346 Juniper Mat tIME
12 December 2021 // San Diego, California
If you see photos of the family and one of the kids isn’t in it, it’s not like a fourth Jonas Brother situation… it’s just freaking tough to get us all in the same frame. Though Beignet would be JoBro No. 4 fo sho.
So far, having three way under three has lived up to the looks I get whenever I tell people I meet about all the kids I’m living with. Doing the newborn thing with Rhys feels like such a breeze in comparison. And it doesn’t help that I came down with a pretty bad head cold on our first week of being home after one really bad night’s sleep- I haven’t really been sick in years, so the timing of this is just incredible.
One of the biggest tensions in my life over the past couple of years has been the gap between my usual appetite for adventure and the fact that I don’t leave my house a whole lot these days. But I guess when it comes to it, adventure is less about leaving a physical place and more about leaving ones comfort zone behind for something better. In that case, that comfort zone has been long obliterated.
#347 gAGLIONE coUNTER
13 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Ugh- glad I don’t get sick like this very often, but really wish this head cold didn’t find me right in the middle of parental leave while the twins are learning how to sleep.
#348 bARELY hOLDING on
14 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Nice new Chance the Rapper mint flavor, Ben & Jerry’s… now here’s your friendly reminder that 10 years ago I slid a little note into your suggestion box for Jack Johnson’s Banana Pancakes.
Is the reference a bit more dated now? Maybe, but you’ve had 10 years. I think it sounds tasty.
#349 nOT lOVIN’ THE MAT
15 December 2021 // San Diego, California
People who haven’t had Covid.. what’s your secret?
Worried I’m gonna jinx it here, but privileged enough to have a WFH job and kept all my 2020 at home minus grocery runs and playground outings with my then 1yo. Since then, three shots to the arm, the priv of generally good immunity and checking local case rates like the weather.
#350 fIRST fAMILY poRTRAIT
16 December 2021 // San Diego, California
I’ve done so much thinking about creativity over the years. How do you even define creativity? How do you practice it.
Here’s one thought that I simply can’t shake.
Creativity starts with curiosity.
I think it’s easy for us to think of creativity as a personality trait where people simply have a plethora of novel, clever ideas inside them at all times.
I actually think creativity isn’t so much about the answers inside of you, but the questions.
It’s about getting comfortable with the things you don’t know, whether it’s some scientific phenomenon or a personal experience that left you wondering what it all really meant. It’s about being able to explore that mystery with playfulness, honestly, and a sensitivity to all the ways that’ll impact you.
Want to be more creative? Let yourself be little more curious.
#351 cIRCLE yeAR
17 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Preemptive Love has been one of my favorite orgs for a long time so their toxiscity is a gut punch, but I can sense it was still written from a place of hope that things could be different.
Thing is, when calls come from current and former employees… that’s a whistle that doesn’t get blown easily.
People don’t end up at orgs like PLC just for a job. It comes with big belief in the vision and a willingness to do more than what’s required. You know the local partners and the good parts, and weigh the costs of speaking up. You don’t unless you think there’s no better way.
#352 Twin Personalities
18 December 2021 // San Diego, California
While it’s been a really tough time for restaurants, I am truly impressed with the creativity of all the pop ups I’ve seen lately, and Freshman Year SD is probably a prime example.
This place is dripping in 90s nostalgia. The menu screams fun, and new items constantly rotate in and out with proven favorites.
My favorite part is the fact that the food is based on pre-orders, allowing the ingredients to be bought late in the week from local farmers. Buying a much more precise amount keeps food waste to a minimum.
Oh, and I guess it’s important to mention that the food is absurdly good. Whenever I think I’m ordering too much, I end up not regretting it once the food arrives.
Do you have a favorite pop up that’s started in the past few months?
#353 Juniper Thoughts
19 December 2021 // San Diego, California
While it’s been a frustrating year for those pursuing climate justice, there were also some key wins. Here are a few of my favorites:
• The StopCambo campaign successfully stopped Cambo
• There was that one week Shell took like three big Ls
• Exxon/Chevron stakeholders demanding emission cuts
• Founding of BOGO Alliance
• Debt for Nature swap in Belize
• Nebraska going clean energy
#354 Maya Commentary
20 December 2021 // San Diego, California
This week more than others makes humanity feel like a hot mess, then I remember it somehow succeeded at sparing me of Spider-Man spoilers. So we’re capable of some assignments
#355 Tummy Time Down
21 December 2021 // San Diego, California
“The moment we choose to love, we begin to move against domination, against oppression. The moment we choose to love, we begin to move towards freedom, to act in ways that liberate ourselves and others. I believe whole-heartedly that the only way out of domination is love. And the only way into really being able to connect with others, and to know how to be, is to be participating in every aspect of your life as a sacrament of love."
There was no way I could choose just one bell hooks quote. But I love that in choosing several the throughline of love becomes so obvious.
I’m not gonna pretend to be extremely well versed in bell hooks’ writing. Still haven’t gotten to reading one of her books in full, yet, but that’s on the docket for 2022. But from every excerpt, her vision is so clear. Even if you haven’t read much of her work, she’s no doubt influenced the people who influence you.
Can’t wait to do my own deeper dive.
#356 jUNIPER, zARA, & iVY
22 December 2021 // San Diego, California
I can think of a few very important conversations I’ve had with friends that were prompted by the impact of Joan Didion’s writing.
Some days it feels like life requires a lot of conversations that make it feel like you’re talking to a brick wall. Other days you’re blessed by the memory of folks like Joan Didion and bell hooks who remind you that words can make a pretty big impact.
#357 thE aUNTS mEET tHE tWINS
23 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Molly Jong-Fast wrote a pretty good, timely, encouraging read in the Atlantic about why in spite of everything now, there’s still a case for hope.
Unfortunately, the Atlantic’s paywall glitched, preventing even paying subscribers from reading beyond the paywall which kicked in just before the article got to the hopeful part.
Something so ironic about that.
#358 jUNIPER ON cHRISTMAS eVE
24 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Happy jolbokaflod to all those who’ve adopted Iceland’s practice of exchanging books on Christmas Eve and spending the night reading. I’m hoping to do a good bit of that since it’s coming down to the wire for me to finish my 2021 reading stack.
One thing I like doing with books, movies, and different pieces of art I enjoy is looking for connective threads that seem to tie them all together, even though they seem to have little in common. One theme that always seems to do it for me is that I love stories that remind me how vast and full of possibility life really is, whether those are movies like Boyhood or Soul, books like Pachinko, shows like Parts Unknown, or improvisational jazz. Or that podcast episode I named Juniper after.
There are a few books in Rhys’ stash that seem to fit that theme too- though perhaps none more so than All The World, which visually follows a large, culturally blended family throughout a day of beaching, going to the farmer’s market, taking shelter from the rain in a cafe, and making a big meal together. The message that the world is big and small, me and you- encompassing everything and yet somehow strangely intimate just matches the way I see things.
According to the sticker on its cover, the book won some award for being this good, though I had never heard of it until we started building a little book collection for Rhys and now, Kai and Juniper.
Any other books- for littles or for grownups- that make you feel like the world is full of possibility?
#359 KAI & jUNIPER’S fiRST cHRISTMAS
25 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Definitely didn’t get to send out Christmas cards during our first year celebrating with three under three. But I did make a TikTok, so we’re good.
#360 Kai Guy
26 December 2021 // San Diego, California
“Do your little bit of good where you are. It’s those little bits of goodness put together that overwhelm the world.”
Archbishop Desmond Tutu
Very few people have influenced my work for the better quite like Desmond Tutu. His Truth and Reconciliation work piqued my initial interest in South Africa, where I’d spent formative chapters of my twenties. His book No Future Without Forgiveness impacted my concept of mercy. His conversations about joy with the Dalai Lama helped articulate so many things I knew deep down.
His quote above on little bits of good has particularly been really encouraging over the past few years at points where it’s felt like the world has spun too far out of control for things to be better.
All the hallmarks of Tutu’s legacy: restoring relationships, being guided by an open minded faith, a sense of humor—are all a solid match for what I want out of my own life.
He stood up to some of the worst stuff humans are capable of- prejudice, apartheid, violence, and he laughed at it. Subversively. The smile rarely left his face in spite of it all, like he knew how things turn out in the end.
I’ve spent my whole career doing justice pursuits- for refugees, for true climate- and the gravity of it is often a funny contrast with the fact that I don’t like taking myself too seriously. I love Desmond Tutu’s example of a powerful, beautiful way to make that happen.
#361 Morning at Bird Rock
27 December 2021 // San Diego, California
My most unpopular pop culture opinions of 2021:
+ Couldn’t get into Succession
+ The slow pace of Invasion was the best thing about it
+ It was very easy to fall asleep to Loki
+ Enjoyed The Eternals
+ In The Heights is a climate change story
This one isn’t unpopular, but, I also think the folks panning Don’t Look Up and the people raving about it should spend some time talking to each other.
#362 The Stephens Visit
28 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Found the list of goals I made at the start of 2021. And I made them in neat detailed categories.
Let’s see how well I did…
Things to start:
✅ Planting >1,000 Trees (mostly via donation)
✅ Using Adobe AfterEffects to make animated maps/infographics
❌ Supporting Four Artists via Patreon (only got to 1)
Things to stop:
*️⃣ Making to-do lists (mostly)
*️⃣ Paying so much for housing (refinance)
(We refi’d, so yes. But then we moved to a more expensive place)
✅ Eating meat on Tuesday (in addition to Monday)
Places to visit:
✅ The Hoh Rainforest
❌ Alaska
❌ A new country
Well, that was a bit of a bummer.
Stuff to learn about:
✅ Japanese cooking
✅ All about moss
✅ About green banking and investing
Stuff to make
✅ 2 videos every month
✅ 24 digital drawings (almost made 40)
✅ 60+ TikTok Videos to figure out what works for me
I feel pretty good about this creative category!
Stuff to try
✅ Getting the COVID-19 vaccine (guess this list was made in Dec. 2020)
*️⃣ Using LinkedIn a bit more (Did it then remembered why I don’t like LinkedIn)
✅ High quality mezcal
Things to read
✅ About Housing Segregation
✅ 7 Books on Climate/Nature
✅ Octavia Butler
Glad I gave Octavia Butler my attention
Things to watch
✅ A movie in a theatre
✅ Three Asian-helmed movies
❌ Lovecraft Country
Final tally:
✅ 17
*️⃣ 3
❌ 4
#363 Admin Wall
29 December 2021 // San Diego, California
Having newborns makes it tough to get anything done, with one notable exception: binge watching. You spend so much time with your hands occupied, but while needing to entertain your mind.
Here’s what I’ve watched in the twins’ first month:
• Hanna – Dozed through some of the finer plot points but loved the tour of European cities
• Shrill – I’m perhaps not quite the target audience, but I get why it gets the love.
• 14 Peaks – Loved this so much. Made me want to climb.
• The Rescue – Made me feel good about humans, so that’s nice.
• 8 Bit Christmas – Simple & sweet.
• Invasion – The most common complaint is how slowly this story unfolds but that’s the best thing about it.
• Station Eleven – A bit confused so far, but curious to see where this goes.
• The Flight Attendant – That was just fun.
• Boogie – Liked it, made me more nostalgic than I expected.
• Hawkeye – Exceeded expectations.
• Don’t Look Up – Really want more recorded convos between the “a little too on the nose” reviewers and the “I feel seen” scientists.
• No Way Home – They mashed all the right buttons for a fun film and succeeded
Still in queue:
Encanto
Neh
Howl’s Moving Castle
Swan Song
Money Heist
Belfast
#364 Piecer at Hoyt
30 December 2021 // San Diego, California
The plot twists in 2021 were completely wild.
Going into it, I might have hoped for a little more travel, but in lieu of that we got signed up for a lifetime of adventure as a family of five.
I stayed the course with putting out consistent creative work and at the end of the year I’m pretty happy with some of the stuff I’ve made, and I’m excited to continue to making stuff.
There were some mountaintop moments.
And some crushing lows.
The journey to healing and justice is always worth it, but it’s also never linear.
It’s impossible to simply sum up this year as mostly good or bad. Either label feels like it’s ignoring something massive and unmistakable about the year. And that’s probably more true about life overall. We just have that pesky habit of trying to oversimplify.
Instead, I’m choosing to take it all in. The highs, lows, and seemingly ordinary. There’s a lot to remember
#365 Year End Sips
31 December 2021 // San Diego, California
This was one of the most complex years of my life to reflect on, because it was so full of paradoxes and contradictions.
I’m proud of my creative work. A bit disappointed in my modest travels.
From personal experiences to pop culture, grief seemed like a recurring motif.
But two of the people I love most in the world just showed up towards the end of it in the form of newborn twins.
Big losses. New life. Beautiful moments. Frustrating roadblocks.
All while sort of being trapped in some liminal space of not-quite-lockdown but not exactly an open road, either.
Maybe that’s what getting older and more mature looks like. The years are less black-and-white, good-or-bad and all a symphony of contrasts. Or, maybe, 2021 really was just a wild card.
Either way, I’m thankful for it- both the parts that arrived with absolute clarity and the parts that won’t make sense for years, if ever.
And I’m so thankful to have you as a part of it.