#32 End of 42nd
01 February 2021 // San Diego, California
The weirdness of the pandemic is that it’s a burst of good news followed by a major setback… an unprecedented breakthrough, followed by a dragged out delay there seems to be no good explanation for.
I think for most of the pandemic, my preoccupation with keeping my family safe has given me greater reserves of patience than the average individual. But there are select days where the hunger for activities that have been off limits for a year grows sharp.
There have been a lot of those lately, especially as I’ve been missing friends and colleagues.
But it helps me to remember that Ebola, in a region without easy medical access, met its end in a few years. And the last major pandemic in 1918-1920 ended eventually, even without access to all our tools and knowledge. And many viruses tend to mutate in a benign direction for the sake of its survival.
Hopefully this ends sooner rather than later but this won’t go on forever.
#33 Vegetarian Nigiri
02 February 2021 // San Diego, California
I have had the strangest relationship with work over the past year.
I love what I do, in many ways I have my dream job.
At the same time I’ve experienced the limitations of how much work is and isn’t able to love you back.
I’ve hit points of frustration. I’ve also appreciated the people I work with like never before.
I’ve been torn on the entire concept of work, in a society that overvalues it and ascribes too much human value to their productivity.
I’ve also appreciated the feeling and opportunity of being part of something.
So many of these tensions are still there, but my favorite way of looking at work is largely inspired by my friend Gary, plus the mission of my workplace: we were meant to do things that give us joy and have meaning, whatever that means. Work in its best and purest form is play. Income inequality and poverty can take the fun out of the play and turn it into something else, but it’s always worth it to find ways to pursue play.
#34 International Records
03 February 2021 // San Diego, California
Thinking over the past year and a half of parenthood, pandemic, and so many personal changes and upheavals, it really feels like I’ve cycled through the spectrum of human emotions in a very deep way.
When the pandemic was brand new and much was uncertain… there was apprehension, fear, and urgency.
When racial justice hit a breaking point, there was anger. Rage, frustration, and determination. A variety of anger that felt completely right.
Now, upon losing a wonderful friend, there’s deep, deep grief and sadness.
Before all this, of course, there was Rhys’ birth. There was hope and joy and the breakthrough after such a long, long wait. I can’t wait for a season like that to come back around.
#35 Liberty Wade
04 February 2021 // San Diego, California
It’s such a strange word, but it also seems so fitting to how I’ve been the past two weeks.
Of course there’s grief and deep sadness. There’s also a strange sense of deep appreciation for the mundane moments and the people around me. And the desire to bask in life a lot more.
I don’t often think of tenderness as a desirable quality. It often makes me think of a sore that hasn’t healed. Or even a child or animal in a distrusting mood.
The first time I ever heard it spoken of positively was two years ago by Gregory Boyle. “We must be tender to join to each other; that is God’s dream for us,” he said.
What does tenderness look like in action? That phrase alone is strange. But I’m eager to see it.
#36 CHORIZO Y NUTELLA
05 February 2021 // San Diego, California
It’s been a really hard past couple weeks. Big feelings, deep sadness. Most of all I just miss my friend. I’ve taken a couple trips to the cliffs over the ocean and really appreciate everyone who’s reached out.
There are so many beautiful things to say about her life, but one that stands out to me is her natural ability to see the very best in a person. We worked so closely and there wasn’t a single experience where I felt like I wasn’t given generous assumptions. It made me want to be more and more like the better version of myself.
#37 Tacos Panzon
06 February 2021 // San Diego, California
How do I want to be in this world?
I want to be non-judgemental, to be an optimist, and to believe the best about others in a strange way that brings it out in them. I also want to take no B.S., to be absolutely honest, and to have a strength that can birth gentleness.
I want to be unmistakably joyful, with a contagious strain that helps others feel grateful to be alive. I also want to be the kind of person who holds space for all the feelings, and who invites others to have that level of sincerity.
I want to challenge others into doing better, being better. I want to help people feel accepted and cherished.
I want to be ambitious, striving for major change and grander adventures. I want to be present and satisfied with simple things.
I know all these things are paradoxes. And I don’t want to be so back-and-forth that it takes away any of these flavors. Is this possible? I think in a strange way, this is what growth and maturity looks like. And I’m thankful we have the gift of others to show us how this could look.
#38 Drive-In Church
07 February 2021 // San Diego, California
Solidarity, not silence.
Last month, an 84-year old Thai man, Vicha Ratanpakdee was assaulted in San Francisco. Two days later, he passed away. An 89-year old Asian woman in Brooklyn was set on fire. A string of 20+ robberies and assaults were reported in Oakland’s Chinatown.
This isn’t news I wish to share in the least. But the news itself isn’t sharing it. I haven’t seen any coverage on the homepage of a major newsletter. It hasn’t been given any airtime.
It’s that same silence that allows violent attacks on Asian American communities to grow to 100 per day during the pandemic. It’s the same silence that kept me from learning about things like Vincent Chin’s murder or the Watsonville Riots until my 20s. It’s the same silence that led to 164 no votes from congressional reps that asked for nothing more than a denouncement of anti-Asian sentiment.
One thing I hate about stories like these is that they can make you feel helpless. But there are actual things to do. Work ahead that matters. And they revolve around building solidarity and rejecting silence.
Building solidarity means looking at how different groups’ struggles for racial justice are different, but interconnected. It means knowing history: Grace Lee Boggs, the Immigration wave that followed the Civil Rights Era, Yuri Kochiyama It means working to dismantle prejudices within one’s own group. It means understanding the Model Minority Myth and how its false promises ultimately harm both Asians and other groups of color.
Rejecting silence means speaking up. Every one of us is a steward of our own voice and relationships. It’s not about how big your platform is, it’s about using it well. Rejecting silence looks like denouncing violence. It looks like amplifying positive depictions. And it looks like unambiguously rejecting sinophobic rhetoric from political leaders, whether or not they’re the ones we support.
#39 Asian Snack Aisles
08 February 2021 // San Diego, California
Almost every country’s top music charts are full of American songs, but the US doesn’t really get much exposure to other music.
I wanted to make my tastes international so last year I tried mixing in non-US based artists into my playlists.
🇨🇩 KOKOKO – Kitoko (DR Congo)
🇨🇴 Lido Pimienta – Nada (Colombia/Canada)
🇮🇹 Zak Munir – Io e Te (Italy)
🇪🇬 Mohamed Hamaki – Howa Da Habiby (Egypt)
🇷🇺 Klava Koka – Бабы (Russia)
🇮🇳 Rochak Kohli & Lauv – Dil Na Jaaneya (India)
🇨🇱 Tomas Del Real – La Creatividad (Chile)
🇪🇸 Cuchillo – Hora Bruja (Spain)
🇩🇪 Namika – Lieblingsmensch (Germany)
🇵🇸 DAM – Milliardat (Palestine)
🇨🇺 Cimafunk – Caliente (Cuba)
🇨🇱 Mon Laferte – Biutiful (Chile)
#40 Bird Rock Walk
09 February 2021 // San Diego, California
An underrated image of good leadership:
The ability to solicit totally honest and completely transparent feedback, including the stuff you don’t like to hear, from the people you serve. Simply nodding and validating what you hear, and letting people know they’ve been heard.
Fighting the urge to say anything in response or to justify anything, and just actively listening.
#41 Everyday These Days
10 February 2021 // San Diego, California
What a brutal time it is for so many people. The world, really.
I’m thinking of all the aged photos I saw on Instagram in the past month, young versions of friends next to parents and grandparents, just before the caption confirms it’s a loved one lost too soon.
I’ve been having a really hard time being blindsided with my own deep loss of a friend. Then there’s the ongoing lockdown, the attack on elders, and the challenge of pandemic parenthood. It’s a lot.
🤲🏽
“There’s no way to have cohesive stories unless we embrace all of it: the good, the hard, the bittersweet, the joyful, the lonely, and the painful. It all counts! If we know something else to be true, it’s this: God is a keeper and curator of stories.”
–Aundi Kolber
🤲🏽
Here’s one thing I’ve seen up close:
People reaching out, even in the most basic and simple ways, always matters. It always counts for much more than we give it credit for. To those who’ve offered that to me, my family, and community, I only have the sincerest thanks. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you can’t “save the world,” but that shouldn’t make you overlook the more human-sized task of showing up. To the people around you. To the gift of life. To the story of how we’re connected.
It’s a gift to be here. There’s plenty of bad to resist, there are many wounds to heal, and there are many good things to savor. And there’s no need to do this alone.
#42 Window Book Shopping
11 February 2021 // San Diego, California
“Good climate policy must be rooted in a culture of listening”
–Maggie Thomas
Good news will always land much more quietly than bad news, but that doesn’t mean that good news doesn’t happen. It’s just the nature of news not to report these things. Good things happen gradually. Persistently, but gradually. News often refers to sudden changes and moments, but seeing the real story calls for looking beyond daily headlines.
One recent experience here is my recent discovery of how much more coal-independent we’ve gotten in just ten years. We’re roughly 3/5ths of the way to having shut down every coal plant. There are some surprisingly conceivable ways to reach full carbon neutrality in the next ten years.
#43 Sidewalking
12 February 2021 // San Diego, California
Work well. Respect the earth. Do something special.
As a young dad, I’m now going to think pretty carefully about what decorative signs we put up around the house, because I know how seriously Kirstie delivered on these three things.
The sort of work we did together tends to attract people with a lot of save-the-world energy. It’s ambitious and energetic, but it isn’t always healthy. As someone who has at times struggled with that savior mentality, I know many of us need that famous reminder from Mother Teresa that we cannot do great things, but we can do small things with great love.
Few people I know embodied that quote better than Kirstie. Whether you were a donor, an intern, or a farmer she visited in Mexico or the Dominican Republic, you were a recipient of those small acts of great love. It was infused in every gala dinner she helped orchestrate, every thank you phone call she delivered, and every intern she helped nurture.
One of the most common things you’ve undoubtedly heard echoed about Kirstie was her love of the ocean. It was a reverent love, recognizing the enormity of its power and the peace of its constant presence. One she often connected to her faith in God.
One of my personal favorite things about her was the simple fact that she basically made her way into the ocean every single day. I can remember times at work during busy seasons when she would head out around four or five, head into the ocean even for just a ten minute dip, before coming back to finish off the tasks at hand. I loved that.
Kirstie not only saw the best version of us, but because she did, it made us more like those people. She was a cultivator. You’ve heard so many people talk about Kirstie’s light and how she was like sunshine. The thing about sunshine is that it gives life, and it helps others grow.
Work well. Respect the earth. Do something special.
Wow. Check, check, and check.
#44 Big Ramen Energy
13 February 2021 // San Diego, California
Over the past century, Black farmers in the United States have lost around 80% of their farmland. This amounts to millions of acres and billions in lost wealth.
The injustice faced by Black farmers deserves a LOT more attention than it ever gets. But you know what else does too? All their contributions towards sustainable farming and agriculture!
It’s pretty amazing to connect the dots between George Washington Carver’s work in soil conservation or T.M. Campbell’s land management principles to some of my daily work with rural communities and the important regenerative farming techniques that offer promise towards solving climate.
I loved coming up with a micro-campaign for Plant With Purpose for Black History Month and it was a good reminder of how indebted I am to many who don’t receive proper credit.
#45 Big Sky Trail
14 February 2021 // Poway, California
I hope the stories I have to tell connect with people. The right people. And I hope they have some sort of impact.
But no matter what happens, I’m here to have fun with it. I’m here to love the process and to learn from it and to honor the work.
#46 Celebrating Kirstie’s Life
15 February 2021 // San Juan Capistrano, California
What a day to celebrate a friend’s beautiful life.
Kirstie was loved by so many, it was literally humbling to be asked to say a few words.
My heart still hurts but healing is happening too.
I love that one of the flowers we took home was an Icelandic poppy.
Kirstie helped us plan our trip to Iceland two years ago, and it was a lifelong wish fulfilled for me.
#47 Icelandic Flowers
16 February 2021 // San Diego, California
It feels like forever ago, but it was only a few weeks back when we got to spend a few days in Lake Gregory- kinda near Arrowhead and Big Bear.
Pandemic travel is weird and we didn’t do things too differently than what we do at home to enjoy. Stay in, get takeout, read, and spend time in nature. But the time off and away was much needed and appreciated.
Highlights:
🏔 Lots of time exploring the San Bernardino Mountains
🏭 Walking the quiet storefronts in the downtown spots of small mountain towns
❄️ Rhys loved the snow, no surprise
🥘 The homemade soup and cornbread our host set out for us
☕️ The coziest cabin with a mega supply of coffee and tea
#48 Black History Reads
17 February 2021 // San Diego, California
Accommodations used to be one of my lowest priorities when traveling. I used to intentionally plan nights of sleeping on a bus or in an airport into my schedule to save the cash.
Things are a little different when a baby, puppy, and pandemic enter the mix.
This cabin we found at Lake Gregory was exactly what we needed. Technically, it was a studio, but it had more space for Rhys to run around than he probably has at home. Our host even made us welcome soup and cornbread.
If I’m not gonna go the cheap route for accommodations, then I might as well embrace making the place I stay all part of the experience. We spent our nights here winding down as early as six for the coziest time of reading, movies, and sleep.
Some of the best places I’ve stayed:
🇦🇷 A backpacker hostel in Patagonia that nailed the woodsy cabin vibe, and set out fresh baked bread and dulce de leche for breakfast every morning
🇿🇲 A Zambian hotel called Fawlty Towers. The facilities were decent, but the adventures you could book at the front desk were almost too good to be true. I’m still in awe at the safari tour I got arranged.
🇮🇹 The apartment we stayed at on our last visit to Italy in Siena was again just right. A balcony and kitchen to keep us close to the heart of the city and exactly the right feel.
#49 Sake Service
18 February 2021 // San Diego, California
One thing I want to do a much deeper dive into soon: Seaweed.
Specifically, kelp farming.
Here’s some base knowledge I want to build on: as plants that can photosynthesize, kelp plays a big role in drawing down carbon. Carbon is a big problem for the ocean, too, which has grown 30% more acidic.
Kelp farms can buffer the impact of storms against the coast, and they are the building block to marine biodiversity.
#50 Brulee Flight
19 February 2021 // San Diego, California
There’s a big difference between actually solving a problem and solving the way we feel about a problem.
I just released a video on YouTube (link in the bio) exploring the myths around recycling. I spent a few weeks researching and writing it and it became clear that a lot of our environmental services weren’t designed to effectively eliminate waste or pollution, as much as they were designed to make people feel better about the problem.
The same pattern plays out in a lot of pushes for racial justice. It’s a lot easier to make the symbolic change (rename the mascot, hire some cast members of color) than it is to make structural changes (prison abolition, reparations, etc.) I do think public sentiment and symbols are important, but their impact is also different than the impact made by structural change. (That’s a whole nother video sometime)
I don’t think this only applies to society and culture. At a personal level there are a ton of other examples of how solving a problem can be different than solving how we feel about a problem. It’s a distinction worth paying more attention to.
#51 Moniker Cup
20 February 2021 // San Diego, California
I wanted to try to be the Anthony Bourdain of Tik Tok.
But at a time when travel remains out of reach.. The Asian supermarket remains a constant.
Thank you, 99 Ranch, for being an outlet for my need to explore internationally in some fashion.
#52 I got the Shot
21 February 2021 // San Diego, California
So a very good thing happened to me today...
We’re now Deanna: 2, Philippe: 1 in dose counts. It’s not all over yet, but the light at the end of the tunnel is very much real. Also, the scientific spectacle in my arm is pretty incredible.
I saw two posts online this week.
One expressing fatigue at having run out of energy to keep up the Zoom calls and a lack of new things to say. It’s virality was an indicator of how widespread the exhaustion is.
The other came from someone who works at the hospital where they treated the US’ first patient. “I wish you all could see what I see everyday,” she shared. “This thing will end. We’re doing it!”
With a little more frequency, I can dream up the sights and smells of layover airports, movie theatre lobbies, and black box theatres.
Fatigue. Grief. Optimism. It’s all valid.
I don’t think any of us are really the same people we were a year ago, and though I’m sure the feelings are complicated, I hope that difference has been for the better.
Here’s to never taking community for granted, always looking out for the most vulnerable, loving the process, and being a little more like the person Ted Lasso makes me want to be.
#53 Kick Up
22 February 2021 // San Diego, California
I read somebody’s description of Anthony Bourdain recently. It described him as a perfect example of what it means to be a kind person but not necessarily a nice one.
It also reminded me of how sometimes people use the language of peacekeeping and niceness in a way that assumes the presence of peace, or that things are going relatively well for most people. What may seem like the nice thing to do in these conditions can actually be very harmful if that isn’t actually the case.
Oftentimes what some of us think of as peace isn’t really peaceful. Or it isn’t readily available to all.
#54 Laying Out
23 February 2021 // San Diego, California
Is recycling BS? ♻️ I’ve heard a few times that recycling just doesn’t do as much as we might think. Eventually I decided to look into it.
I learned...
♻️ ...that just two years ago, our whole global system of managing recycling collapsed.
♻️ ...that this collapse triggered diplomatic feuds between Canada and the Philippines, France and Malaysia, the US and Cambodia...
♻️ ...that recycling was initially invented by the plastic industry to avert regulations.
#55 Striped Support
24 February 2021 // San Diego, California
NPR’s Throughline podcast has been running quite an excellent podcast mini-series right now.
They’re doing a three-part mini series exploring the lives of Octavia Butler, Marcus Garvey, and Bayard Rustin for Black History Month.
I started with the Marcus Garvey episode and I learned so much about his history and his contributions towards Pan-Africanism. Looking forward to diving into the rest of these.
#56 Camerawork
25 February 2021 // San Diego, California
Before Black History Month comes to a close, I’ve got to share my three most recent reads, all of which I’d recommend.
📙
Caste is getting all kinds of buzz, and deservedly so. Isabel Wilkerson looks at three applications of Caste: Nazi Germany, racial stratification in the US, and the assigned castes of India. One short lived and brutal, one ancient but persistent, and one I’m living in. This read was sobering but not fatalistic, and an important reminder of what can happen when we’re asleep to how inequities persist.
📕
How to Fight Racism is full of good reminders and a helpful, accessible read for someone wanting to turn their concern into action. Jemar Tisby has helped me learn so much about the church’s complicity in slavery and segregation, and I think this book is an important follow up to some of his work to show how faith communities can break those cycles.
📗
Then there’s The Color of Law. Housing segregation is the main vehicle for so many community level inequities- including educational disparities, overpolicing, public health, and environmental justice. It’s tough to keep track of all the acts, historical events, and court rulings that led to this. This book helpfully highlights a bunch of them. It’s important to talk about, so even though the history here is complex it’s worth the time it takes to try and understand.
#57 The Castle House
26 February 2021 // San Diego, California
When I was reading The Color of Law, some figures stood out to me. As a whole, poverty has gotten better. Many people do have more resources and this can make it seem like we’re making progress. At the same time, relative poverty has been very static. If a person was in a certain income bracket thirty years ago, their kids are most likely in that same bracket right now.
I think this would stand out to us more if we had a relational understanding of poverty, rather than an individual one. The starting point for taking action can’t just be programs and activities.
Poverty really stems from broken relationships. Perspectives that begin with seeing people in poverty as inherently lazy or deficient are a part of this problem. Injustice and oppression come from these broken relationships. When the powerful and comfortable exclude marginalized people, the relationship is dysfunctional.
The ways people in poverty have to submit to those in powerful- through inhumane working conditions, through being valued for their labor rather than their humanity, they become treated as non-persons.
#58 Tennis Ball
27 February 2021 // La Mesa, California
I’ve been reading quite a bit about different ecological themes, and one outcome is that a visit to the Amazon truly shot right up my bucket list.
It’s amazing to me how rich and vibrant and full of different kinds of life that area is. It’s just as complex vertically as it is horizontally.
The amount of sunlight and moisture that affects how everything grows and operates varies so much based on how high or low you are in the ecosystem. This makes everything dynamic and constantly adapting against each other.
The rhythm of the Amazon is full of sex and survival. Life is abundant, and so the mating process calls for showing up even louder than competitors. Birds delve towards loud mating calls and bright colored plumage. In almost total contrast, there are also so many predators in the jungle that there’s a premium on camouflage creatures that can lay low.
I know I’ve got to see this.
#59 Wandavision
28 February 2021 // San Diego, California
Today, I decided to surprise Deanna with a day trip to Disneyland. They opened some of the park to walk around in and order meals to go. Entry was free and people did a decent job masking, distancing, and all that. The most popular attraction was easily this Wandavision photo-op. What a good day.