Grieving Is Healing

This morning, my half-Asian son and I got to watch the swearing in of a half-Asian Veep. So many feelings.

I think the platform of a politician is a strange one. We should hold our leaders accountable, but not in a spirit of awfulness that makes us lose our humanity in the process. We should be able to admire good qualities in a leader without giving into political idolatry, which is partly to blame for so many of our current problems.

All that to preface me saying something I truly like about Joe Biden. The man is proficient in grief.

In 2014, after a shooting and stabbing at my alma mater killed six, Biden offered the White House’s sympathies, sharing words I’ve heard him say a few times: “One day their memory will bring a smile before it brings tears.” Almost exactly a year later, Biden would lose his son to cancer.

I can’t imagine some of the losses Biden’s had to endure, just like I can’t imagine so many of the devastating posts I see nearly every day of friends losing parents, grandparents, or siblings.

Nothing heals that isn’t grieved.

I’ve used that phrase so many times this year because it’s so descriptive of the current stretch of my journey. I’m a natural optimist. I don’t like to dwell on feelings like sadness. And yet, I keep rediscovering the value of lament and grief. It thickens our skins while softening our hearts. It pulls us closer to each other. And it opens the door for healing.

We have so many things we need to heal from. A pandemic. A recession. Tribalism. Racial injustice. The tragedy of losing 400,000+ to COVID. The tragedy of losing too many friends and family members to conspiracies and warped visions of the world.

And I think that’s why some of my favorite parts of the inaugural ceremonies were the silent prayers, the prayers of confession, and the evening of remembrance that preceded the event.

I started this post as a happy one, and even though it turned into a mini-essay on grief, today was a great day. And I’m hopeful for days ahead.