#122 Quarantine Cut
01 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
I turn 30 next week. Plan A was to be celebrating in New Orleans, but since that’s not happening, Deanna’s been putting together a string of surprise hangouts on Zoom. Given how extroverted I am, these have made quarantine so much more bearable!
Of course, now that we have all the time in the world to catch up… many of us don’t have much to catch up about. There’s only so much “what’s new… nothing at all…” dialogue that we can scrape together.
So… I’ve packaged together some of my favorite social activities made for Zoom/Facetime/Hangouts/Whereby/etc. during quarantine time.
They include:
Show-and-Tell for Grownups - a digital gift exchange of legitimately cool links
Trivia Night - One person writes and hosts while everybody else competes
Codenames - Probably my favorite party-style board game that can be done via screenshare
Zoom-prov - After all, the whole point of improv is to roll with the punches
Open Mic Night – Bust out that Ben Folds cover
Bracket Wars – Make a March Madness style bracket for ANYTHING. Let the debates begin.
Got any others you wanna share?
#123 Zoom Reunions
02 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
I’m a celebration guy. I don’t have a hard time finding ways to turn the smallest triumph into the biggest party. So although I think I’d sound cooler to pretend I didn’t care about how I celebrated my 30th birthday, the truth is that I care. I wanted it to be a big one!
What I really wanted was to have people around. But I honestly was worried that my closest friends were too spread out, too busy, and that I would end up celebrating a night with two other very random people who don’t know each other as a reminder of how frustratingly difficult it is to stay connected with people at this point in life.
So, I decided the safer way to make sure a good day would be to take a trip. New Orleans! Ethical swamp tour and everything!
Then quarantine happened. No guests AND no trip.
Except…
Deanna has made this week a great one. Every day of the past week she’s surprised me with an online hangout of some sort. I never know who it’s gonna be with or when it’ll happen until that exact moment! And we’ve had some good ones so far. We’ve done several of my ideas for social distancing hangouts.
I know she put a ton of effort into this roundup, but at the end of the day, I got what I really wanted for my birthday, even more than a trip- a chance to see so many people I love and to keep the connection going.
#124 Before 30
03 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
I turn 30 next week. Plan A was to be celebrating in New Orleans, but since that’s not happening, Deanna’s been putting together a string of surprise hangouts on Zoom. Given how extroverted I am, these have made quarantine so much more bearable!
Of course, now that we have all the time in the world to catch up… many of us don’t have much to catch up about. There’s only so much “what’s new… nothing at all…” dialogue that we can scrape together.
So… I’ve packaged together some of my favorite social activities made for Zoom/Facetime/Hangouts/Whereby/etc. during quarantine time.
They include:
Show-and-Tell for Grownups - a digital gift exchange of legitimately cool links
Trivia Night - One person writes and hosts while everybody else competes
Codenames - Probably my favorite party-style board game that can be done via screenshare
Zoom-prov - After all, the whole point of improv is to roll with the punches
Open Mic Night – Bust out that Ben Folds cover
Bracket Wars – Make a March Madness style bracket for ANYTHING. Let the debates begin.
Got any others you wanna share?
#125 Hope Is Not Cancelled
04 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
It’s a good time to check in on your favorite nonprofit.
🌐🌐🌐
The nonprofit world 🌍 is often one of the sectors that takes the hardest hit during an economic recession. The sad irony is that a recession also increases the need for a lot of services nonprofits provide- especially if they’re tied to food security, mental health, or fighting poverty.
Tomorrow is #GivingTuesdayNow - a rally around nonprofits providing much-needed help during a tough time. @plantwpurpose is participating and we’re raising money for our Readiness & Resilience Fund. Every donation will be doubled.
🌿🌿🌿
Tomorrow also happens to be my birthday as well, and I’d gladly direct donations in that direction in lieu of presents!
Here are two other ways you can help your favorite orgs:
☝🏾If funds are tight, go on social media and act like an organization’s biggest fan. Like everything. Share posts. Blast through the algorithm. This signal-boost costs NOTHING but is a really big help, especially now that every fundraising and awareness events are all off the table.
✌🏾If you’re able to, sign up to donate monthly! Subscribing to a simple recurring gift, even if its $20 or $30 is much more valuable over the long run than sporadic bursts of generosity. Why? They’re sustainable and predictable gifts, and these make nonprofits recession-proof.
#126 Thirty
05 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
Hey. I’m 30 now. Weird, right?
There’s a lot going on in the world, but in spite of all the chaos, I’m thankful to be a part of it. Thankful to have seen a lot of the world, and thankful that there’s far more I have yet to see. Thankful for my twenties, because seriously, that decade felt too good to be true. Thankful for my baby boy and sweet wife who I get to spend my day with.
That’s it. Just a lot of overwhelming gratitude over here. Thanks for being part of this epic journey and I can’t wait to go on adventures with you all again!
#127 Birthday Cards
06 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
Yesterday, a number of people wished me a happy birthday ~in spite of everything going on the world. 🔺 Guess what? 🔻 Yesterday was my best birthday in AGES!
First of all, so many of you jumped in to send cards, to participate in Zoom parties, and what not. Part of the reason why this was the best was because SO MANY of you were part of it. 📬💻✉️ The key ingredient to a good day, in my book, isn’t necessarily a trip or a big outing... it’s feeling close and connected to people. And the past week has been all about that.
Second, Deanna prepared for me a REALLY GOOD scavenger hunt that led to most of the sweet things y’all put in the mail. 🗺 You know treasure hunts are my jam, but I like ‘em on LEGITIMATELY HARD MODE. Ready Player One status. And Deanna delivered some real clever clues. POSTED a recap in my IGTVs.
Third, by liking that Plant With Purpose Post yesterday, you helped us unlock close to $600 for our COVID Resilience Fund. 💵💵💵 So good.
Above all, Deanna deserves all the props for being the ringleader of the festivities. Gotta admit, being asked to plan my 30th with her hands tied by quarantine was no small feat. But she turned into the most fun day.♥️ My wife is the most thoughtful, caring, brilliant creative genius I could ask to be in lockdown with.
#128 Working With Piecey
07 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
So, I got a PS4 for my birthday, and isn’t that ironic.
For a long time, I’ve talked about how I’m not a gamer. And how when it came to the list of possible hobbies I could see myself diving into, video games ranked pretty low on that list. A BIG reason is the time commitment. It’s not that I’ve been 100% opposed to the medium, but I typically have so many other activities that would be in competition for my free time.
The other reason is that the selection of games out there that seem worth my time appears slim. Seeing one game after another set in some sort of post-apocalyptic space war doesn’t quite capture my interest.
Finally, I try and refrain from too much screentime. I try to be selective so if I sit down to watch something, it’s something that I’ve really thought about and prioritized. Games kind of run counter to that.
But, living in quarantine will change a few things. And even if I ditch gaming as a hobby once this ends, I think I can get far enough into some games to have justified the purchase.
So… after we finish Kingdom Hearts, I suppose I’ll try my hand at some sports games. NBA. FIFA. MLB. Then the Uncharted series.
#129 Run With Maud
08 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
Ahmaud Arbery.
This morning we got up early and ran 2.23 masked up miles around the neighborhood in honor of a man who was killed trying to do the same thing.
I have a hard time writing posts like this, because, what‘s there to say other than that I’m mad. And sad. And especially sad that something like skin color makes this world a more dangerous place for many.
But, straightforward as they are, I’m gonna share those thoughts anyways. This thought has been following me around the past few weeks: you can’t heal what you don’t grieve.
Sharing the words of @coolurbanhippie here: “We’re tired of your indifference. We’re tired of your silence. We’re tired of your blatant misuse of privilege and power. We’re tired of your unknown privilege, in general. We’re also tired of you feeling like you deserve special treatment because you treat us like we’re the humans we are. We’re tired of knowing that you ain’t really gotta change a damn thing...if you don’t want to. And we’re tired of how THAT affects ALL OF OUR LIVES!!⠀
That could’ve been my cousin, my uncle, my nephew, or my best friend. Hell, it could’ve be ME...and, in fact, it was. HE WAS! HE IS!”
I want this stuff to change. But, that’s not gonna happen by looking the other way. Listen to those who are hurt and angry. Feel their grief. Nothing heals without processing that.
#130 Swimming Pool
09 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
Whenever the Age of Lockdown ends and we enter into whatever chapter of the world happens next, I can’t wait to get back to the activity that I’ve really fallen in love with over the past ten years: capturing stories and photographs all around the world of people, resilience, and the human story.
I’m especially eager for whenever that becomes possible, because I think I’m in a better spot to hone my own style and develop my artistic voice. I would love to especially be focused on capturing images of joy in places where that seems hardest or least likely. I’m curious about how I can make joy and life recurring themes in all of the images I capture.
It seems like it still might be a while before these possibilities go back on the table. But I’ll be very excited for when that happens.
#131 Deanna’s First Mothers’ Day
10 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
I’ve had so many good things happen to me over the past year but right there on the top shelf has been getting to see my wife evolve into a spectacular mother. There’s nothing like it.
She’s been loving Rhys since long before he was born, from getting herself ready for the journey of pregnancy to navigating those tricky waters for nine months. Rhys won the mom lottery for sure.
Happy first mothers day, Deanna!
#132 Great Barrier Relief
11 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
Tequila wasn’t that great the first time I tried it. The friends I was with said it needed a chaser, a tastier beverage to immediately wash it down with so you could forget the stringent, acidic taste.
Gradually, though, I figured out how to appreciate it. More importantly, I discovered it’s much more delectable cousin, mezcal. Along with this appreciation came a deeper curiosity. I was curious about the subtle differences in each batch.
What does this have to do with anything? I think our responses to life’s curve-balls are kind of similar.
When the unexpected happens, we either 1️⃣ numb the pain with distractions and carry on or 2️⃣ lean into the discomfort, get curious, and do some inner exploring.
It’s not always a straight path. And I don’t think reaction 1️⃣ is necessarily bad. 1️⃣ is the key to survival, 2️⃣ is the key for both.
When this pandemic first broke out, I definitely had to engage phase 1️⃣ 100%. My fixation on scrolling Twitter for updates kept us informed early. It allowed us to make moves that kept us safe. And no regrets there, even though it was so tiring I didn’t want to do anything else but stream stuff and draw on Illustrator. But now that we’ve got a routine that keeps us secure, I’ve been able to lean into that phase 2️⃣ curiosity more and more. It’s unsettling! I see life as an adventure. How does that change when travel and backpacking and all the “obvious” adventures are taken away? What does my belief in hope say about the moment we’re in? How do I want to be different afterwards and what can I do to get there?
To go back to the original metaphor, it’s only by engaging this curiosity that we get to that smoky delicious discovery of mezcal. Can’t wait to see what that’s gonna be.
#133 Last Week in Bakersfield
12 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
Stillness is hard. And good.
I’m all in support of local governments playing it safe when it comes to reopening. Opening too soon is playing with fire. That said… it’s such a lose-lose proposition from a PR standpoint. LA announced a lockdown extension yesterday and while that makes me feel safer, I also feel that collective UGH.
I think if I were in charge of a municipality of some sort, I’d open up extremely gradually when it was safe, while celebrating the crap out of whatever we were opening up. “GUESS WHAT CALIFORNIANS??? THE CARPOOL LANE IS BACK!!! Was it ever gone? Whatever, it’s here!”
In more seriousness, we’re at such a weird point in this pandemic where the data tells us we’re safer at home, but our emotions and social needs are so over it.
Stillness can be so uncomfortable, especially when you’re used to a life full of activity. We crave distractions. Noise. I don’t think I even realized how much stuff I would fill my calendar with until I was forced to cancel most of them. One of the more Enneagram 7 things about me is that constantly ongoing need for stimulation.
When you’re forced to sit still, you have to spend more time with yourself and you don’t always like what you find. You have to separate your being from doing. True stillness can be one of the most difficult things to confront. It’s so freaking valuable though.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself… but if you’re in the situation of just feeling existentially bored, that’s not weird. But don’t try and numb that feeling or distract yourself. Take questions about life, purpose, and identity and use entire days at a time to process them. Or just sit still and listen. I think as a collective, our world could benefit from that. I know I could.
#134 Not in Banff
13 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
I turned 30 last week, so I made a video about some of the things over the past 30 years I did that I’m most happy about. Some of them are probably obvious… others not so much!
Time moves fast, and the days that look totally ordinary are actually inconspicuous opportunities to do things that make our future selves proud.
Some off the cuff: Marrying Deanna, persisting in trying to have Rhys, adopting Beignet, living in Oregon, caring about sustainability, living in Italy and Argentina, interning with LiNK, doing my thesis work in South Africa, taking the two years in between undergrad and grad school to go travel, seeing Lola one last time, reading some great books, constantly writing, and paying off all student loans.
#135 LCSW Exam
14 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
Time for a family update ⚠️ This one was years in the making...
Deanna is OFFICIALLY a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. I can’t think of many other times I’ve seen someone pursue a goal this persistently... this has been a target of hers since 2012. Literally as long as we’ve been a couple.
After you finish your Masters of Social Work they say it might take two years to log enough supervised hours. She finished in 2014, and I know you MATHLETES right now are hacking away at your pocket calculators saying, WAIT‼️ That was six years ago.
Yup. That two year timeline is the best case scenario that doesn’t account for time in between jobs or the time in between getting a job and getting supervised. Or moving out of state. Or dealing with health emergencies. Or having a baby.
Deanna literally overcame all that. She got those hours and applied for the final boss battle: the licensure exam. She got approved to take the test a few months ago but needed to get a medical exception to access medicine during the four hour test. Guess what happened the week that approval came in the mail? A global pandemic.
While in quarantine we’ve been wondering about this test hanging in limbo. And then on Tuesday, we discovered that tests were happening, but in very small doses because of distancing and what not. Because of that, there was only one spot left between now and the end of summer.
After a 36-hour cram, sprinting to San Diego and taking a test for four hours in an N95 mask... MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
I have the most persistent, hard-working, skilled wife... and I am so happy for her meeting this much deserved accomplishment. The mental health needs of the world loom large. We’re lucky to have Deanna.
#136 Cheers to the Social Worker
15 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
I haven’t been my usual productive self since quarantine, and I’m fully okay with that. If anything, it makes me question that usual persistent desire to always be making things and working on a project. As life shifts towards whatever comes next, I think I’m much more interested in protecting my free space and time to watch stuff, hang out with Deanna and Rhys, and to play- whatever that looks like.
I know there’s an aspect to my personality that always needs to engage my creative side and to come up with stuff. And I think being more aware of that frees me up from having to worry about not being productive enough. I tend to err on the side of overproduction.
A big part of growth looks like knowing what your tendencies are, and the areas of life where you easily lose balance. This is one for me, but I’m thankful for the more intense jolt of awareness the past several weeks have been.
#137 Lola and Rhys Reunited
16 May 2020 // Bakersfield, California
Self care isn’t all bubble baths and spa days.
Some of us get it but others, including myself, sometimes tend to think of self-care in a pretty one-dimensional way. But, weird times, a whirlwind of changes, and my growing commitment to sustainability have made me think more about how to be a good steward of my own soul.
Like a physical body or an ecosystem, our soul has different needs. I love the way the podcast Staying In with Emily and Kumail broke things down:
The need for comfort/stress-relief: Most of the stereotypical images of self-care go here. I’m not a creature of habit, but I do have a few go-to things I turn to that I can count on for a mood boost: playing with Beignet, playing with Rhys, a bowl of pho, episodes of Kim’s Convenience or Psych, and obnoxiously loud music.
The need to feel awe: For me, this is a HUGE need, and it drives my love of travel and adventure. Of course, those are off the table right now. However, a well-told story can also invoke that same sense of wonder, and so diving deep into a good novel or meaningful film has been a good source of wonder. And thankfully, seeing my son hit so many milestones is a great source of wonder, too.
The need to not think: I spend so much time engaging my mind that I forget that this is a need too. Meditation can take care of this. So can a good run. Or a dance party. This is also off the table right now, but I used to love batting cages as a way to just shift my energy from mind to body. Honestly, this has taken the form of video games for me lately, and I never thought I’d see that happen.
The need to be heard: It’s a real need too. Perhaps this is why I write as much as I do. And why I actually really enjoy traditional talk therapy. Or keeping my wife up late with dumb questions.
How do you practice soul care?
#138 Secret Stairs
17 May 2020 // Rancho Palos Verdes, California
Things I’m learning about my disposition as an eternal optimist:
A big part of how people see me is as a persistently joyful person in spite of obstacles.
It’s okay if there’s a gap in between people’s perceptions and how I feel all the time, I just need to be clear about that gap.
Still, my sense of joy is more persistent than most people’s, and it’s encouraging for other people to see.
I can recognize how this is a gift to people, while realizing that I don’t always need to project that to myself. I’m not even obligated to present that to others, but it is a nice thing I can do.
The world does need more joy and true joy isn’t very dependent on circumstances.
In times of crisis, I must resist my urge to look for silver linings and sunny upsides. They exist, but because I have the tendency to bring them up in ways that dismiss others’ pain, I’m often better off letting somebody else bring these up. Saying nothing but being present is okay.
At the end of the day, joy is my inner sanctum. I can feel other things, while still knowing how to access joy.
#139 Jeopardy Tryouts
18 May 2020 // Carson, California
Lemme indulge a little hyper-optimism for a bit. You don’t gotta believe it, just humor me.
It’d be cool if as a result of remote work becoming a new norm and of the upheaval of the travel industry (including long quarantined for international arrivals) SLOW TRAVEL became the norm.
Rather than people taking a quick two week break to overindulge an overseas locale before returning to an unhealthy work rhythm, what if it became normal to go somewhere for a month or two, still doing remote work during typical hours, exploring afterwards.
That slower pace would actually allow you to experience more of the culture and facilitate meeting locals, and would do less damage to the ecology and infrastructure of tourist hotspots.
I imagine this would be an overall win for both the economy and environment of places like Costa Rica, Bali, Thailand, etc. plus it would push back against the cultural exploitation and consumptive mentality of the worst parts of the travel industry.
✅ Reduced environmental burden
✅ Work/life integration
✅ Empowers host communities
✅ Less frenzied travel
✅ Economically efficient for the traveler and the host community
✅ Opportunities to discover a remote mom & pop restaurant in the Alps, then to befriend said mom & pop
#140 Rhys’ Bathtime
19 May 2020 // Carson, California
Earlier in this year, I thought 2020 would be a busy one for me. I figured that after spending lots of 2019 on the sidelines, holding back from travel for Rhys’ birth, 2020 would be a big reengagement.
I figured that it would be a busy and adventurous year, between Burundi and the Congo, Alaska and Bali, Maui, Sydney, and New Orleans, refueling on the stories I like telling about adventures and cultures and places. I honestly thought that a lot of that would open new opportunities and breakthroughs.
In reality, not so much.
Of course I am sad to see those adventures all cancelled or postponed.
BUT- I’m realizing that maybe now isn’t the best time in my life to be dive bombing right back into the frenzy of adventure. I’m still discovering how to keep space for these things in my life while being fully around for Rhys, and perhaps four months of age is a little too soon for me to be learning how to chart those waters. I’m an optimist and I still think it’s possible, but I also think there’s a lot to learn about how to have a healthy family while still transforming the world.
My biggest hope is that this year becomes the biggest health-point power-up my small family could’ve ever asked for. I do think my marriage is perhaps as strong as it's ever been, as we keep trying to find new ways to learn how to care for each other. Fatherhood is as rewarding as ever, and heck, I even get more quality time with Beignet these days.
The far away adventures? There will be time and space for them too. But I’m glad they’ll be built on a stronger foundation of home.
#141 The Underground Railroad
20 May 2020 // Carson, California
One of the oddities of living in lockdown has been the fact that I’ve started playing more video games. I have often thought of myself as decidedly a non-gamer, but these are strange times, no?
I do love video games with a good storyline that unfolds slowly, over the course of the many hours that you play. I love games with different worlds, lands, realms, dimensions, etc. that you need to unlock one-by-one, as you gain new abilities and skills.
Whenever our world reopens- and I suppose some parts of that process are in their infancy- I wonder if it’ll be a bit like that. We get grocery stores from the get-go. Just to spend our coins on supplies and what not. State Parks open up pretty early in the game, level three or whatever.
A bit further down the line, we get mini-games back like the NBA and baseball. Restaurants. Airplanes and travel REALLY open up some of the most fun levels, but it takes being at a pretty high level to unlock it.
Much like some video games, you can skip ahead to advanced levels earlier. BUT you’ll be woefully underprepared and you’ll probably lose a lot of health points that way. Best to work your way towards these advanced phases gradually. Earn them.
It’s a funky metaphor, but it’s actually a kind of helpful one for me. It reminds me that the entirety of life isn’t on hold, it’s more a matter of slowly opening up more and more worlds, each one being a whole realm of adventure in-and-of itself.
Even though it will rightfully takes some time to move us into wherever we’re going with this new normal thing, seeing each step in that direction as a mindful adventure can help.
#142 How To Be An Antiracist
21 May 2020 // Carson, California
Sharing some quarantine reads! I haven’t done quite as much reading as I thought I would have at the start of this lockdown, but I have managed to get in quite a few good reads… here’s a trio of them!
How To Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi // ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I picked this up fairly spontaneously and was wowed. It’s a strongly written book that helped me further explore and challenge concepts I thought I already knew pretty well. Kendi blends personal memoir-style writing with legitimate scholarly insight so seamlessly. It had both head and heart. Most of all, it did an excellent job of exploring how race issues interact with other inequities like disability, class, and gender.
The Moment of Lift by Melinda Gates // ⭐️⭐️⭐️
This book was an insightful look at the impact of investing in women around the world. It was a good read overall, but my favorite thing about this book is how well it captured the importance of delivery systems: making sure efforts to help women around the world are implemented in a way that will be culturally appropriate and well-received.
The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead // ⭐️⭐️⭐️
This one sat on my nightstand forever, while gathering all kinds of hype. It reimagines the Underground Railroad as an actual railroad and follows an escaped slave as she makes various stops. I liked it, but perhaps over-hyped myself for it, because it was occasionally hard to track. Whitehead’s newest book is getting even more acclaim, so I might have to check that out too.
#143 Empty Neighborhoods
22 May 2020 // Carson, California
Ready for one more round of International Film Favorites? Here we go!
🇿🇦🇫🇷🇳🇿🇬🇭🇯🇵🇷🇴🇦🇷
I’ve had a lot of fun highlighting a sampler platter of favorite international movies for the Stuck-at-Home International Film Festival. There’s a good chance that this will be the final entry, partly because if I were to do another round, I’d need to find more movies! (If you know of any I NEED to check out, let me know!) In the meantime, I’m ready to share my final batch of foreign films and the answer to a pretty good question: how do you even find good international movies?
Here are just a few tips:
ASK FRIENDS 🔰 Especially your international friends, of course. Whenever I get to know somebody from another country, after a while, I usually ask for a film recommendation. They might also volunteer their two cents about what’s unique about films from their countries and that’s where I learn a lot. This is how I’ve discovered Jerusalema, Shoplifters, and other favorites.
LET AIRLINES DO THE WORK FOR YOU 🛩 Of course, this doesn’t work right now, but eventuallyyy. International flights used to be my best place for catching up on movies, and I would try to make at least half of them international films. International airlines need to appeal to pretty broad tastes from different regions of the world, and I almost always discover something new. KLM, Air New Zealand, and Cathay Pacific have had some of my favorite selections, and Ethiopian Airlines steps it up for African cinema.
PRETEND TO GO TO INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVALS 🎞 This includes the big names like Cannes, Venice, Banff, Toronto, SXSW, as well as local gems like the Busan International Film Festival or even something like San Diego’s Asian Film Festival. I know, some are expensive… but you can at least look up their lineups online and keep tabs on them for later.
#sahiff2020
#144 Resevoir Walk
23 May 2020 // Rancho Palos Verdes, California
One of the things I’ve been really feeling lately is the need to just spend more time playing.
Like, I am very much looking forward to this long weekend. I want to go on a hike somewhere. I want to not have to worry about work for a little bit. I really want to just sit around playing video games for a little bit.
Life has felt a bit dominated lately, by work and by the things that need to get done. By the time I finally have a chance to take a break and enjoy things, it’s pretty late in the day.
I’m looking forward to having that opportunity now. I’m convinced fun belongs somewhere on the hierarchy of needs.
#145 Dalonga Coffee
24 May 2020 // Carson, California
life.dont.stop
Here’s a some family updates:
🏙 We’re back in LA for this next chapter of quarantine. I have a soft spot for South LA neighborhoods: Carson, Compton, Gardena, Torrance, Artesia. You know.
🏘 Back with my aunts. They’re both older and a BIG reason I moved back to Cali was to get to spend more time with that. That is definitely happening now.
🏆 Mom had her birthday today. She’s been staying with us too to help take care of Rhys while we work. Plus, his Tagalog was starting to get rusty. Yay mum!
🛒 I’m super happy the panic-buying has stopped and supply chains are more normal, with just a few exceptions. Mostly cause Rhys goes through baby supplies quick!
🏡 One weird thing I’ve started to appreciate a bit more are garages. Especially since most Californian homes lack basements, a garage can be a sweet hang out spot while bridging the gap between the inside and out.
🎞 I don’t really like to rewatch films once I’ve seen them. But there are exceptions for sure: The Big Sick, Arrival, Hunt For The Wilderpeople, The Farewell, Knives Out
It can be easy to think that right now we’re all just on a big break from regular life, but in reality, this IS regular life. For now and for the foreseeable future. The masks, the rage tweets, the sad commercials, all of it.
If you need time to take care of yourself, take it. But do so deliberately, instead of just waiting around for something else. Cause this is real life too!
#146 Grilled Things
25 May 2020 // Carson, California
I can think of four people who I don’t typically see eye-to-eye with posting things in support of the black community that I wouldn’t have expected four years ago. Or even two.
It’s not a completed journey. But to me, it’s a sign of hope.
It’s also a reminder that by speaking up and expressing our sadness, anger, or grief, we’re contributing to a culture where people grow. We’re helping make the discomfort of staying the same greater than the discomfort of evolving.
Like I said, it’s not a complete journey. Its not linear. It’s a never ending process. But still, it’s worth all the effort.
#147 Mom’s Birthday Cake
26 May 2020 // Carson, California
The ink barely dried from writing my thoughts on Ahmaud Arbery, when Breonna Taylor was lynched.
I hadn’t even begun drafting those thoughts before it happened to George Floyd. And almost Christian Cooper.
I try to be selective, measured, and strategic when it comes to speaking up, while at the same time never wanting to be silent. Elie Wiesel’s and Desmond Tutu’s words have followed me since middle school, in situations of injustice, neutrality and silence put you on the side of the oppressor.
At the same time, it’s hard to feel like you keep writing the same things over and over, only to see the same terrible headlines over and over.
What I try to remember is a conversation I had with a relative shortly after Mike Brown’s death. I was talking to a family member, and, I won’t repeat some of the comments I heard, but I was so, so surprised and bothered by the racist ideas I heard. I had a similar encounter with someone in my spiritual community. I felt anger and disgust and extreme disappointment to hear these things from people I loved and wanted to look up to.
This week, I heard one of those people express outrage over George Floyd’s killing, acknowledging that there’s nothing that could justify the knee to his neck that killed him. I saw posts from the other person, sharing the sentiment that, without having lived the black experience they’d never fully understand the trauma, but they could do their best.
Somewhere in between each told me “I see how you are, seeing all people as people. That’s had an effect on me.” Hearing that validated every challenging conversation and post I struggled through.
To be honest, I struggle with sharing this story. I don’t want to make it seem like I don’t have my own work to do. I also don’t want to make it seem like antiracist work is as easy as the movie Crash makes it look, where it just takes one string of well articulated words. More often than not, it looks like staying true to your convictions even when it feels like they get you nowhere. And I mostly think back to these experiences as my own reminder to keep speaking up. It actually does matter.
#148 Ponderosa Way
27 May 2020 // Carson, California
I have never been more tired.
Physically. Spiritually. Emotionally.
I never anticipated that I’d reach a point where any opportunities to cope or take care of myself would also be off the table.
This won’t be the case forever. Sometimes you just have to keep showing up and making it to whatever’s next.
That’s what hope looks like sometimes. That’s what hope looks like a lot more often than people believe.
#149 How Am I Supposed to Respond to Murder?
28 May 2020 // Carson, California
Remember that video? The one with two toddlers… maybe one and a half or two. One white one black. Both seeing each other walking towards the same spot on the sidewalk. Remember?
If you don’t, it was a short viral clip that made its way around the internet months, maybe a year ago. It was pure joy.
Both boys, rushed towards each other, arms wide, shouting and laughing.
When their small legs finally brought them to the same part of the sidewalk, they hugged, jumped, laughed, and celebrated. They stared intently at the same toy together. Then they took off running in the same direction. You couldn’t possibly have more fun than them.
I shared that video today. I think it belonged on some people’s timelines.
Not to gloss over all the important and valid rage going on right now.
But to remind us all, we’re fighting for something good.
So good.
#150 Duck Noodles
29 May 2020 // Carson, California
My Asian identity is something that I’ve come to love and appreciate a little more each year. Growing up. I didn’t want skin color to be the reason people didn’t consider me for roles, opportunities, or even relationships, so I often downplayed it.
Little by little, though, that shifted. And when I found out Rhys was on his way, I became even more intent on passing that part of my identity on to him. I mean, genetically he’d only be half as Asian as me, but I wanted him to LOVE that half. I started brushing up on my terribly imperfect Tagalog. I asked my mom to babysit him in it exclusively. (She sort of listened). I plan to take him to the Philippines as soon as he’s an age where he’d remember that trip.
In this moment especially, of ramped up xenophobia and fear, I think it’s especially important to celebrate culture and identity and family.
I love that so many of us share the story of parents and grandparents who silently sacrificed a TON to leave us all better off.
I love that our different cuisines feature a diversity within diversity of flavors and histories.
I love how travel bloggers and Anthony Bourdain can’t stop talking about the warmth of the Filipino people after their visits. I love the Manila episode of Parts Unknown.
I love our tendency towards collective thinking, especially seeing the negative impact of toxic individualism during a crisis. Collectivism itself isn’t perfect, but it’s different and refreshing.
I love that our brightest days are still ahead.
#151 Harbor City Lake
30 May 2020 // Harbor City, California
Cities on fire:
🌲Eugene, Oregon.
🌴La Mesa, California.
Two places I’ve lived recently. Eugene for three years, where I started my marriage and ended grad school. La Mesa for just a month, but what an eventful month. It’s where I learned I was gonna be a dad.
This weekend, I saw the complex right behind my house in Eugene destroyed. A black female organizer tried to get three young, white twenty-somethings to stop smashing their skateboards into the windows of a Five Guys or T-Mobile, to no avail.
Multiple parts of La Mesa were set ablaze. I keep wondering about the taco shop where I told my parents they would be grandparents, the mom and pop Italian restaurant where we had a date night, or the used bookstore I could easily get lost in.
It’s disturbing to see cities you know set ablaze, but it’s important to be nuanced about what is happening. You can feel grieved to see your city in chaos. It’s wrong and inappropriate to police the emotions and response of the black community.
In most instances, demonstrations began peacefully, until tear gas was fired at the slightest discomfort. From Philly to Seattle to Beverly Hills. It was the opposite of de-escalation.
The protestors advocating for Black Lives are being met by agents of chaos with no real purpose, white supremacists, and disorganized people who aren’t following the leadership of activist leaders. It’s important to make these distinctions because the message of this moment should not be obscured. We must change.
MLK’s words still apply to this situation: A riot is the language of the unheard.
And I’m moved by the owner of Gandhi Mahal, an Indian restaurant destroyed in Minneapolis: “Let my building burn, Justice needs to be served.” Indeed you can repair buildings and restore cities. We cannot bring back lost lives.
We need peace- but not just the kind where our cities go back to “normal.” We need new systems where black lives are no longer senselessly lost like we’ve seen far too often.
#152 Seven Months of Rhys
31 May 2020 // Carson, California
A friendly reminder that:
The work is structural AND spiritual
The work is political AND personal
The work is holy AND hard
I’ve been seeing so many people having the hard conversations lately. I know for each of us, it seems like the uphill climb is so, so, steep. But just think, you’re doing this alongside millions of others. I can’t see that NOT creating some change.