#121 Crying in H Mart
01 May 2021 // San Diego, California
You know what’s a good feeling? Reading a book and recognizing, within the first few pages, that this would be a really special, unusually enjoyable read and bracing yourself for a story you won’t be able to put down.
Right now, I’m there. Reading Michelle Zauner’s Crying in H Mart.
I’ve never heard anyone articulate the strange but sincere love I have for Asian supermarkets quite as accurately as she nails it.
Plus it’s largely set in Eugene, and every chapter is full of references to old streets I biked on every day. When I read the family at Sunrise Asian Market being described in full, my heart lit up.
I haven’t been this inseparable from a book in ages.
#122 Church Outdoors
02 May 2021 // San Diego, California
So often, art gets portrayed as an exercise in expressing yourself. That’s possibly one of the most frequently heard phrases associated with creativity… express yourself!
Sure, creativity is inevitably an act of self expression, but the idea of this being the purpose of creativity somehow manages to be both incredibly vague and limiting at the same time.
Some of my favorite artists don’t create just as an act of catharsis in expressing themselves… more often it’s a manner of caring for their communities. I started making truer and better things-and things that caught on with more people once I moved my focus in this direction.
Think of anyone who’s felt seen by a film like Minari, or found the words they’ve needed in Morgan Harper Nichols’ poems. While these stem from deeply personal experiences, they ultimately care for a greater community. That’s where the sweet stuff happens.
#123 Back in the Doona
03 May 2021 // San Diego, California
I’ve been having to make a bunch of big life decisions lately, with Rhys getting bigger and things reopening and a post-pandemic world starting to come into focus.
So much of it is exciting, but it can also be a lot.
One of the most helpful exercises I’ve found is asking myself what I want my life to actually look like 6 months, maybe a year, down the road. Ever do something like that to make a big decision?
Here’s the weird catch...
If you find yourself saying stuff like “I want to read 50 books in a year!” “I want to write my own book!” “I want to finish three marathons a year and to use them to raise $3000 dollars to my favorite cause!” then you’ve fallen for the same trick I often fall for.
See, you didn’t exactly describe what you want your life to look like... you listed the things you want to get done. Meaning? You’re less likely to be satisfied until they’re checked off.
It’s easy to fall for this. An industrial, profit-driven world means we overvalue productivity and miss the joy of the process.
I eventually rewrote my description of what I wanted from life to list things like “starting Sundays a bit slower and bumping the music loud while getting ready for church,” or “waking up extra early on Thursdays to head to a coffee shop for a deeply focused creative writing session,” and “Friday pizza nights!”
At least for me it makes it all the more easier to start a Sunday or Thursday morning, or a Friday evening, really stoked about what makes that activity special. It’s not that I have to go to that freaking coffee shop and write something, it’s that I get to because it’s part of a life I chose.
#124 Painted Rock Discovery
04 May 2021 // San Diego, California
In non-western countries, I’ve admired the community care where different generations provide care for one another.
When children are very young, a grandparent will help in with the childcare allowing a parent more capacity to earn an income.
Later the grandparent becomes the one in need of care, which their children step up to provide. This is often when the youngest generation is in school or about to start their career.
Often this cycle continues as elders pass, parents age, and new children are born.
Here’s what I find beautiful about this particular approach to childcare and elder care.
But just because it’s beautiful doesn’t mean it works for everybody.
The system relies on mutuality, and mutuality means everybody has a role. But when there are many cases where people can’t play their roles.
Single family households. Poverty that demands both parents work, sometimes multiple jobs. An unexpected, untimely death. Then what happens?
But- I think what’s beautiful about the village-family-approach isn’t so much it’s structure. It’s more so the mindset. That we’re all in it together. That at some points in our lives we’ll have a greater ability to give, and at other points we’ll be the ones in need.
#125 Thirtyone
05 May 2021 // San Diego, California
And the story goes on!
It’s my birthday today.
As a kid, I loved getting older. Each year up meant new privileges, a bit more freedom, and being taken more seriously.
Then suddenly... it started feeling like it was happening too fast. It kept speeding up! Years were escaping! Loved ones were getting old! Childhood was over! Then college! My twenties!
A weird epiphany eventually made me less worried about the movement of time. A lot of things can only be enjoyed in motion.
Like a roller coaster. Or music. We get these melodies stuck in our heads, the connection between one note to the next to the next. It we were to just pause for stillness in between notes... the song would pretty much just stop.
The past few years have been so full of plot twists and they just don’t stop. If anything, they keep getting wilder! I’ve never liked the “man plans, God laughs,” adage because it sounds so maniacal, but I’ll be the first to acknowledge that you really never know what’s around the corner.
So many of the best parts of my life right now at one point seemed improbable. Maybe even impossible. But here we are.
And it’s only been 31 years!
#126 Target Carts
06 May 2021 // San Diego, California
I think you can love something and still recognize parts of its history that are just plain wrong. We need more nuanced norms around how we accept our history. It’s not just our national parks system. It’s the United States. It’s the boundaries on our maps. It’s every significant institution and industry you can find.
It’s true that we have no choice but to live in a world shaped by these past wrongdoings. But it’s unhelpful when people turn the fact that we can’t change the past into a zero sum game where our only options are self-loathing or the idolatry of bad things.
Telling the truth about past wrongs is a vital step towards healing and reimagining how things could be. Once we’re honest about the past, we have the openness to invite a different future.
#127 Dunedin with Colberts
07 May 2021 // San Diego, California
In my early twenties, I got a chance to spend part of a year helping out at an orphanage* in Johannesburg.
*technically not the most accurate word, but this isn’t the time for that.
When I arrived, I didn’t have a set role. I was told I would figure that out with Pastor Mike, the care center’s founder. At the time, though, he was recovering from a foot operation following diabetes complications, so it took a while for us to meet in person. All the while I heard bits and pieces of his story. How he and his wife sold most of their stuff to move into what was perhaps Africa’s most dangerous neighborhood. How they were robbed of most of their things very shortly afterwards. How he founded the center to care for children whose family lives were disrupted, particularly during the terrible AIDS epidemic.
When we finally met, he was the kind of person all those stories would suggest. He gave me a list of teenage boys he wanted me to mentor and he and I would meet weekly. We talked about a lot of things. He grew up in the apartheid South Africa in the 1950s, lived long enough to support kids from the Born Free Generation, and traveled throughout much of Southern Africa. He saw worlds of change.
I learned so much from Pastor Mike, from the persistence of racial division- “apartheid ended a long time ago,” he told me, “but South Africa is still very much four countries.” to the urgency in caring for its kids- “there are many things in life that can wait,” he would always say, “but the needs of a child is not one of them.”
True to his word, when he retired, he moved into the orphanage. It was his idea of a retirement home. He wanted to spend more time with the kids.
A couple days ago, I learned about Pastor Mike’s passing at the age of 74.
I am thankful I got the chance to visit again a few years ago with Deanna and I am so thankful the South African kids I’ve gotten to know grew up with him in their corner. In all the work I do, I’ll always be influenced by his blend of urgency and tenderness, and the way he left nothing in life undone when it could be done to help others.
#128 Campsite Gumbo
08 May 2021 // Idyllwild, California
In one week we’re leaving for the PNW- which I am really looking forward to.
In addition to seeing a bunch of friends along the way, I’m also excited for the spots to be discovered. The Olympic National Park, the Hoh Rainforest, and Southern Oregon. I have quite a few ideas for videos in mind that I want to produce while I’m there, but in order to get them all made, that’ll call for leaving for the Northwest with several scripts ready to go.
So that’s what I’ll be pretty busy with over the next week. Here’s the docket:
A script about the U.S.’s childcare crisis. It feels kind of current events-y right now, and it is, but it’s also a personal topic. I’m hoping to produce this on the road, meaning that I’ll be recording much of it this week.
A script about why Thai restaurants are everywhere, and why you almost see more Thai restaurants than Thai people in a lot of American cities. I first had this realization while living in Eugene. It turns out that this isn’t just a strange happening but a bold, global strategic move by the Kingdom of Thailand and an act of culinary diplomacy.
A script about my love for moss. I’m still thinking through how to make this as interesting as I can.
A script about the problem of National Parks, in particular the origins of the National Parks system and how they displaced a number of indigenous tribes.
#129 Campsite Breakfast
09 May 2021 // Idyllwild, California
I don’t know what brilliant person came up with the term billion star hotel in reference to sleeping out of doors- but they were spot on.
I spent the night out in the billion star hotel, and I really love the great reset that camping serves as. I’m extremely glad, that even though I didn’t get a whole lot of outdoor experiences growing up, I have the motivation and the means to change that for Rhys. And I love how naturally he takes to being outside.
#130 Workshirt
10 May 2021 // San Diego, California
Have you ever started talking to somebody about travel- maybe sharing some of your dream destinations and wishlist of adventures with them before realizing they do not see travel the way you see it.
And it’s very difficult to put the difference into words when this happens. But you hear an interest in luxuries and landmarks that seem to leave out local connections, and perhaps that seems like the distinguishing trait. But it’s tough to say… because even things like luxuries and landmarks can have their place in a meaningful adventure, and they’re not mutually exclusive to connecting locally.
You just know that when you say travel and when this person says travel, you’re really not talking about the same thing. And it’s yet another moment when your experiences while traveling feel all the more unexplainable.
#131 SPIRAL SLIDE
11 May 2021 // San Diego, California
I was told recently that I’m starting to gain more equity in a lot of the spaces I occupy. Which feels like a very strange thing to hear.
I know what that person meant. I’m being taken more seriously. Because I bring something to the table that isn’t easy to replace, people are more apt to work with me and listen in on ideas than to simply send out marching orders. It’s something people hopefully earn over time and experience doing whatever it is they do.
But with that said, it was also a reminder of the ways my privilege and also my lack of privilege set the pace at which I gain this “equity” and that makes the term extremely ironic. Because this is a dynamic that is entirely inequitable.
At least baked into this word is the reminder that I can always be using whatever influence I have to open doors for others.
#132 Run of Trees
12 May 2021 // San Diego, California
I’ve often talked about how our profit-driven culture is often at odds with the world I seek to cultivate. There’s a difference between maximizing things and optimizing them, seeking more versus seeking enough.
That said, the latter usually still calls for good habits like saving and investing your money. So how do you do those things while living in line with your values?
It’s easier to think about making sustainable decisions with the money you spend... but what about the money you don’t spend and save instead? After all, your bank doesn’t just let that money sit in an underground vault- it puts it to use to make even more money. Will it help launch a neighborhood business or will it fund a mega pipeline?
I’m not a finances guy, so I brought some of my sustainability and investing questions to my friend Melinh - Melinh runs an awesome account that helps people understand the financial world better to help them live in sync with their values. She knows this looks a little different for everybody, which is why she’s worth following!
#133 Kaiser Parking Garage
13 May 2021 // San Diego, California
I’m juggling a workload that seems to always max itself out, a fairly robust creative career that happens in the after-hours, and raising a kid during one of the most involved, hands-full stages of his life. Not to mention all the little complications set about by the pandemic.
I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t a lot. It is. And while I try to honor the way I need rest, I realize that I’m at a point in life where that’s really hard to fight for. It’s a juggling season.
In order to manage so many spinning plates, you’d think it would scatter you more across the board. Sometimes it does, but more often, it forces me to focus. The only way to manage so many of these spinning plates is to be as intensely present as possible, to keep the future waves from disrupting your ability to be at peace and play with the present tasks at hand.
#134 Bako Backyard
14 May 2021 // Bakersfield, California
One of my least favorite things about California, along with large portions of all the other states, is that it’s a place that was really designed more for cars than it was for people. I think of the general unpleasant aesthetic of a packed freeway, and realize, so many Californians will spend a significant amount of time just sitting in this and waiting that in the long run, it’ll represent a pretty large portion of one’s life.
Lately, I’ve been challenged to think of the things I and most people dislike about city living and to see if that’s really an issue with cities or cars. For example, most people complain about how city centers tend to be dirtier- but the restrictive proximity of many roads often prevents better methods of being able to manage waste.
I think a city that manages to be way creative in its design for people rather than personal vehicles would be something like Amsterdam. Or even Copenhagen. U.S. examples are a bit more sparse, but Portland strikes me as a possibility.
#135 Levi & Rhys
15 May 2021 // Sacramento, California
San Diego’s becoming a harder and harder place to live. I mean, that’s not particularly new. I was worried about those costs before we moved here.
But since a whole family has sprung up around us in that time, that concern gets even more real. A typical house goes for $850,000 right now. Nothing really sits on the market for more than a week, and offers are regularly made $250,000 over the asking price.
A conservative estimate for what we might get in a different market might look like saving at least $1000 each month, while getting to live in a three bedroom home with a backyard. Getting to grow stuff in that yard, do laundry without going anywhere, and just opening the door to let Beignet out seem like a dream. A dream I hope we get the chance to live shortly. Can it happen in San Diego? Perhaps if some miracle opportunity appears.
#136 cAYTLIN & THE BABIES
16 May 2021 // Sacramento, California
I think it’s fascinating and beautiful the way family units in low-income countries pull together to support their most vulnerable members.
When children are very young, a grandparent will help with the childcare allowing a parent more capacity to earn an income. Later the grandparent becomes the one in need of care, which their children step up to provide. This is often when the youngest generation is in school or about to start their career. Often this cycle continues as elders pass, parents age, and new children are born.
I find this approach kind of beautiful, to be honest. I grew up with my grandmother in the house, as my mom took care of her. She passed a few years ago and I am so thankful we had all those years to just live together so closely. Often, my mom helps out with my kid now, and it’s been beautiful seeing her enjoy being a grandma.
What I love about the village-family-approach isn’t so much the logistics or the structure. It’s more so the mindset. That we’re all in it together. That at some points in our lives we’ll have a greater ability to give, and at other points we’ll be the ones in need.
When that mindset is aligned with the problem solving skills and innovation appropriate for each culture, good things can happen.
#137 Weed Stadium
17 May 2021 // Weed, California
Our PNW road trip begins. Trying to drive from one end of the country to the other (vertically) with an 18-month-old seems like an ambitious order. But hey, that’s kind of how we roll.
We started with Bakersfield, getting to see the nephews again for the first time since Rhys was newly born.
Then it was on to Sacramento to hang with Caytlin, Justin, and Levi.
Medford on the way up, since we needed to cut the road between Sacramento and Portland in half.
Then Portland- which I’m always excited about. Reconnecting with Kathleen, getting Pip’s. Plus- swinging by Beignet’s old favorite dog park in Eugene on the way up.
Seattle after that. It seems like there’s endless places to wander.
Then the Olympic Peninsula of Washington. We’ll be staying in an RV, visiting the Olympic National Park, and spending some time amongst the mosses in the Hoh Rainforest. And our return route? It’s essentially that same thing in reverse.
We’ll ferry back to Seattle. Then head down to Portland to see friends like Jesse, Raquel, and Meaghan who we missed on the way up. Medford again, for the same reasons. Then Sacramento, where we’ve invited Joy and Daniel to meet with us.
We close out with Bakersfield before San Diego. This is going to be a legit adventure.
#138 Beignet in Eugene Again
18 May 2021 // Eugene, Oregon
I’ll be honest, with work picking up, with Rhys getting older, and life in general looking as full as it could possibly get over the next few years, one concern I happen to have is this– will we get to do anything anymore?
And what I mean by that, of course, is anything outside of the ordinary. Outside the daily rhythms of childcare and office work. Outside the home. Outside the routine that will be more and more mechanical.
Childcare is expensive. Travel becomes more and more of a complex orchestrated event rather than a spontaneous adventure.
One thought this leads me to is making sure that my daily surroundings are adventurous in and of themselves.
#139 Kathleen
19 May 2021 // Portland, Oregon
I had never read a book by a Filipino or Filipino American author until I was 28, and I read 30-50 books each year. Elaine Castillo’s America Is Not The Heart changed that.
The year after I read Jose Antonio Vargas’ Dear America, and last year I read Jia Tolentino’s Trick Mirror. To this day the number of Filipino authored books sits at 3.
Representation matters to me more and more but I rarely see our books on shelves. That’s why I was pretty amped to see this whole section of Fil-Am writers in The Hangout in Long Beach.
From children’s books to cookbooks to memoirs and graphic novels and poetry, the selection was amazing. I definitely left with a good sized bundle for me and Rhys.
#140 Seattle Water Tower
20 May 2021 // Seattle, Washington
This whole crew loves the PNW! 🌲🌲🌲 Something about this part of the world makes me feel extra alive. It’s been far too long since I’ve been here, but I’m glad this time lets us introduce Rhys and reintroduce Beignet for the first time since we moved out.
We’re still only halfway through the adventure with plenty more on our lists to check off.
✔️ Taking family photos that look normal at first glance
✔️ Letting Rhys meet some babyfriends
✔️ Catch up with some vaccinated friends we’ve missed!
✔️ Hang out with some mosses
✔️ Good coffee every day
✔️ See if Beignet remembers some of her old stomping grounds
✔️ Spending the weekend on the Olympic Peninsula on a friend’s RV
✔️ Visiting the massive REI in Seattle
✔️ Nature walks left and right
🔜 Rhys’ first ferry ride
🔜 Going camera happy and making videos
🔜 Supporting my favorite Portland doughnut shops
#141 QUilcene Non-Hike
21 May 2021 // Quilcene, Washington
We’ve met so many friends along the way, while taking this road trip. Almost all of them are living in places where they aren’t originally from, which is fun. It naturally invites the questions of how they ended up there, why, and how it works for them.
Of course, everyone’s so differently wired that there is no criteria to see how those experiences might apply to your own or even influence your decision making if you’re gonna move. You just have to feel it out, and see why things worked out for that person in that place, assuming they did.
Self-awareness goes a real long way when it comes to this. Knowing what you need from your home helps you go a long way in finding the right place to call home.
#142 Hurricane Ridge
22 May 2021 // Olympic National Park, Washington
I have been so spoiled by my reading list lately. I found each of these three books impossible to put down and I finished two of them over a total of four sittings... you know how unlikely that is with a one year old??
Michelle Zauner AKA indie artist Japanese Breakfast appeared in so many of my subscribed podcasts over the past month to talk about Crying in H Mart- it felt so good to hear somebody who shares the same odd sentimentality around Asian supermarkets that I do. Plus, a good chunk of this book takes place in Eugene around the time I lived there and I was thrilled to hear the owners of my usual grocery spot described in detail.
I also can’t say enough good things about Good Talk. When Mira Jacob’s son starts asking her questions about Michael Jackson’s skin and how his grandparents could support a leader who makes the world less safe for him... she does the best to engage these questions honestly and artistically. I’ve never had a book largely focused on race make me laugh so much while still being totally heartfelt.
Minor Feelings added in the emotional complexity of melancholic rage- best described in Korean as the feeing of Han. The essays in this book were not what I expected but were packed with stuff I needed to jot down!
#143 The Hall of mOsses
23 May 2021 // Olympic National Park, Washington
Today we got to wander and explore through the Hoh Rainforest. This is a place that has been on my wishlist for a long time, especially after seeing all the images that make it look exactly like a wonderland of moss.
I absolutely loved being there. Being at the base of some gigantic trees and seeing their “fur coats” in vibrant green was kind of like a bear hug from nature. Even though it was a fairly regularly visited place, it was still enveloping enough to feel like you were getting out and away to somewhere really special.
I mean, this is somewhere special.
#144 A Ferry Voyage
24 May 2021 // Seattle, Washington
One of my favorite things about the Pacific Northwest, specifically Washington State? The state ferry system!
For just $9 a person, we were able to board a ferry, wander the passenger cabin for a bit, climb up to the top deck, get a spectacular view of the City of Seattle, and see Rhys love the breeze in his hair.
Oh, and best of all? We ran into an orca. It’s like a $9 whale watching safari!
#145 Wilsonville Field
25 May 2021 // Wilsonville, Oregon
I know I still don’t do it perfectly, but…
I think of myself over the past ten years, and I think I’ve really come a long way when it comes to asserting my boundaries when need be. Especially when I think somebody has done something that negatively affects me and when I sincerely think it would serve that person well to know the impact of their words/behaviors/actions, etc.
I think this is kind of the key to doing it well… understanding how having a difficult conversation like this with someone can actually serve as an act of kindness.
#146 Seeing Jesse & Raquel
26 May 2021 // Portland, Oregon
A trio of big wins for the environment came today.
Chevron’s investor’s demanded sharper emissions reductions from the company.
Shell was ordered by the Dutch court to halve their emissions sooner than planned.
Shareholders of Exxon elected new directors who were more partial to climate action.
It’s exciting to me that 2/3rds of these stories exist because investors demanded it.
The concerns of an emerging generation can influence investors if the message is delivered strategically.
#147 Tiny Home in Medford
27 May 2021 // Medford, Oregon
For most families in the U.S., childcare is unsustainable.
As in... things can’t keep going on the way they’ve been going.
For over a year now, I’ve been working full time with one hand tied behind my back, juggling parenting and working in the same space, same hours. And I’m one of the lucky ones! I know so many people who’ve had it even harder.
The cost of a preschool is often greater than a college tuition- except parents of preschoolers often have lower income potentials and opportunities to save up compared to parents of college students... and it’s not like that’s a great scenario to aspire to anyways!
This latest video explores the childcare crisis in the United States, does the math to compare costs, and looks at what other countries have done to care for the kids.
#148 Bloomsbury Books
28 May 2021 // Ashland, Oregon
I was wondering… perhaps even hoping… that this trip would’ve provided a moment of clarity around whether we’d rather live in Sacramento or Portland, since those seem to be our top two picks for where we’d end up if we’re ultimately priced out of San Diego.
To be honest, it still feels like a split decision to me.
Portland has so many things going for it. The environment and natural surroundings. Public transport. The free preschool. And it has a personality I think I mesh with. And we have great friends there but none with kids.
Sacramento has that. Kind of a built in community. But it’s real tough to say if a lot of the issues I’ve had with San Diego transfer there. The heat. The dependency on cars.
At least, we have more recent images of these places if this deliberation becomes a more real and pressing thing.
#149 Bako Pool
29 May 2021 // Bakersfield, California
What a trip!
Driving from the southwest corner of the country to the northwest corner is ambitious in and of itself. Add a puppy and an 18 month old into the mix, and yes, that is a challenge. But we’re the challenge accepted types around here, and tricky as it was, man it was so worth it.
We’re at such a unique, somewhat chaotic, unpredictable, but absolutely memorable time in our lives. I know we’ll always remember this one.
#150 Westwood Bem
30 May 2021 // Los Angeles, California
Coming back home at the end of a long trip is a feeling in and of itself. It honestly felt a little good to be back in our tiny place, starting to unpack and unwind.
It’s so easy to focus on how our place isn’t big enough for us anymore, how the lack of a yard and laundry are deeply inconvenient, and how we need to start looking for a new place stat.
But we’re back home and it feels good, and that’s saying something.
It means the baseline of our lives is already really good. I love this family.
#151 sIAM nARA aEsthetic
31 May 2021 // San Diego, California
Closing out #AAPIHeritageMonth in 2021 is like...
I’ve written, read, and reflected more on being Asian American I’m over the past few months than at any other point in my life. Partly because of all the global events, but also because of where I’m at in my own personal life.
It wasn’t always like this for me. In high school I didn’t want to be one of the Asians who seemed to only hang out with the other Asians. Even though my college must’ve had like 6-7 different variations of AAPI or Filipino American clubs, I wasn’t interested.
See, I’d always had the tendency to see my life as a story, and in most of the stories I was exposed to, the Asian characters were usually side roles. Comedic relief in a rom com. The tech specialist in a sci-fi novel. The wise sage in the fantasy. On screen and such, being Asian was already unique enough that writers often didn’t bother to add in more depth. And it wasn’t just in movies where this happened. From my observation, we were often specialists. Valued for a specific skill like medicine or programming. But rarely invited into decision-making, leadership roles.
I didn’t want to be a side character in my own life, so I downplayed.
It took years of disconnecting my idea of ‘normal’ from whiteness, learning that everybody has a culture that colors the way they see the world, and understanding how these assumptions were engineered to start disassembling them to get to a point where I now love talking about being Asian.
I grew up in a system that made me want to downplay my AAPI heritage for years, and now I get to spend the rest of my life taking that apart. I realize that every time I get to lend my voice, perspectives, or leadership to something, it might just be the visual a younger person needs to know they can set their eyes on something beyond a supporting role.
It’s what we mean by take up space.