I’m happy my video post from yesterday on having crucial conversations about things that matter seemed to be pretty helpful for a number of you! Here are a few more ideas about having crucial conversations that I’ve found really helpful:
Learning how to gauge somebody’s motivations for engaging you in a conversation can help you decide what approach to take. Do they enjoy debate for debate’s sake? Are they genuinely curious in how you see the world differently?
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The people who are most likely to change our minds are the ones we agree with on 98 percent of topics.
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Whenever you find yourself agreeing with the other person, or them agreeing with you, point it out and repeat that point of agreement. Establishing common ground gives a conversation direction.
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According to James Clear, “the number of people who believe an idea is directly proportional to the number of times it has been repeated during the last year—even if the idea is false.” The takeaway? Most harmful statements don’t need your signal boost.
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Productive conversations feel less like a debate and more like a collaborative search for a solution. That’s why that common ground is so important.
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When you run into a buzzword like “sustainable” or “systemic racism” it’s often helpful to ask the other person how they use and understand these terms.
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Approach conversations with a beginner’s mind. Invite explanations of the other person’s understanding, and point out when you just don’t get it. Rephrase their position in your own words, being open about what you agree with, what you don’t, and what you simply don’t understand.
Two of the most helpful resources I’ve found on this topic are:
📘 The book How to Have Impossible Conversations by Peter Boghossian and James A. Lindsay
📰 The article “Why Facts Don’t Change Our Minds” by James Clear (this one’s easy to Google!)
On Crucial Conversations
