Thick Skin and a Soft Heart

If you’re committed to making meaningful change, you’ve gotta have thick skin and a soft heart. I’ve always felt that.

These things almost feel like they’re in conflict. How do you thicken your skin up against those who love power and push vitriol while being able to pivot to tenderness when around the vulnerable? How do you stomach all the stories of suffering without either being totally calloused or sunk by compassion fatigue?

I’ll let you know when I find that simple answer. For now, I’ll just say that I’ve found the stories and snapshots coming from Afghanistan this week totally crushing. I absolutely cannot imagine passing a two year old over a fence not knowing what comes next, not knowing when you see her again, or if.

I remember feeling and sharing similar things about Syria quite a while ago. I remember hearing from somebody that a lot of good happens in that part of the world, and not to be sunk by the one-sided stories told by the media. I’m pretty sure that person hasn’t seen much of that part of the world, but that aside…

Factually, that isn’t wrong. Headlines tend to favor the ugliest events, and there is so much good around the parts of our world we over-associate with terror and violence. My approach to storytelling loves to push against one-sided narratives to tell the fuller story. The Afghan robotics team, the skateboarding girls of Kabul, and so on. And yet, focusing ONLY on the good isn’t helpful either. Especially during a crisis.

Have I found the perfect integration of the heavy and light? Have I gotten the hang of this thick skin, soft heart business? Not even close.

But I know you’ve got to hear people’s stories. When you take the time to really listen, you’ll find the hard and the beautiful are both fully present.

You’ve got to resist easy answers, to know how to check your own optimistic or pessimistic tendencies, and to go beyond headlines.

And let yourself feel the whole thing. The stories of resilience, overcoming, and restoration are real- but you won’t see their full glory without also taking in the brutal and devastating.