Why > What About

If you’re in a good faith conversation with someone sorting out a difference in how you see things, asking why is generally more effective than asking what about.

Why questions lead with curiosity, seeking to know the story of how a person came to see things the way they saw them. Was there a pivotal experience? A value that seems to be most important?

What about type questions are like an incredulous stare in response to something somebody said. They pull up counter-examples, demand for dissonance to be resolved. Logically they seem like strong moves but psychologically they trigger every defense response to one’s belief system being attacked.

Nurture curiosity, because curiosity nurtures the world.