If you had told me in January that a Sunday afternoon in December could look like this, I wonder what my reaction would be. Skepticism? Hope? Curiosity? Most likely, some crazy mixture of the three.
But right now, Rhys is feeding and our house on Marlborough is quiet, apart from Disney+ streaming in the background. None of these things were a part of our lives when the year began.
We’ll be heading out for Joshua Tree pretty soon, to launch the new year and new decade quietly and in nature, but I wanted to spend some time reviewing the events of the past twelve months, celebrating the big wins, and reflecting on the unexpected surprises that came along.
At the end of each year, I also like to decide on a theme. So many people I know pick a word or theme at the start of each year to guide them. I’ve found life to be a little too unpredictable for that to work for me at the beginning. To paraphrase Soren Kierkegaard, life only makes sense when you look at it in reverse, but you have to live it forward.
First, some stats:
Places Visited: Lake Tahoe, California; Charleston, South Carolina; Charleston, West Virginia; Viotá, Colombia; Jackson Hole, Wyoming; Atlanta, Georgia
Favorite Meal: Rodney Scott’s BBQ (Charleston, South Carolina)
Favorite Album: Maggie Rogers, Heard it in a Past Life
Favorite Concert: Vampire Weekend in San Diego
New Skills Learned: Boxing, Adobe Premiere, Infant Care
Best Read: American Spy by Lauren Wilkinson
Favorite Movie: Parasite
Five “Mind Pictures” That Will Stick With Me Forever:
Driving to the house the same day we saw Rhys’ heartbeat for the first time and confirmed we were pregnant
Swimming in my underwear and going down a waterfall slide we found just off a quiet trail in Colombia
Coming within 50 feet (about as close as you’re supposed to) to a wild cinnamon brown bear in Yellowstone
Spotting “Ube Cake”- the stray black mini-lab we rescued and came oh-so-close to adopting
Seeing Deanna push through the challenges of learning how to nurse Rhys and becoming an amazing mom
Favorite Actual Photo Taken: Rhys is Born | 31 October 2019, San Diego, California
2019 will be a bit of a funny year to look back on because one major event totally eclipses the rest. My son Rhys was born on Halloween and our lives have been forever changed for the better. Our pregnancy began in mid-February, and so the story of our year tracks very well with his development and birth. Still, this was an eventful year in many other ways as well. Here’s what happened–
The Big Events
Before getting to the big piece, here were some of the other big happenings from 2019:
The High Water Festival
As a birthday present to myself, Deanna and I got tickets for the High Water Festival in Charleston, South Carolina. It’s a two day festival curated by the group Shovels & Rope (also one of the performers) and although it’s not widely known outside the region, I knew I had to go once I saw its lineup. Leon Bridges? The War and Treaty? The Head and the Heart? So there! We had an amazing time, ate incredibly well in the South, grooved dreamily to Leon crooning Beyond, and enjoyed side jaunts to Charlotte and West Virginia while there.
Colombia
In May, my friend Milmer invited me to his home country of Colombia. He specifically wanted me to help tell some of the stories of a community a little outside of Bogota that had been severely affected by the recent conflict. I learned so much on this trip, about the importance of the environment in the post-conflict era, and how difficult but beautiful the work of peacebuilding can be. I talked to kidnapping victims, farmers, children, ex-combattants, and local officials to gain a robust perspective on the country’s recent history.
Jackson Hole
Wyoming was my 49th state, and it was a really pretty one to save for my second-to-last one. Jackson Hole and the surrounding areas were especially gorgeous. I got to spend time with family in both Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Park, and enjoy a refreshing, slow-paced week up at elevation hanging with bison and bear.
Buying Our First Condo
When we moved to San Diego, I figured that would push back our expectations for buying a house by at least five years. So I was quite surprised when we were able to buy a little condo- our first- in March. It’s a cozy little place that fits our small family just right. I suppose we may outgrow it or have different needs in the future, but the timing of making this kind of purchase was just right for us.
…and of course…
Rhys
I’ve already written about the story of my son Rhys’ birth quite extensively, and if you’ve read even a little bit of it, you’ll know it’s kind of a miracle that he’s here. He overcame pretty much every obstacle to becoming part of our lives, from a year of trying unsuccessfully, to a triple-high-risk pregnancy, to a miscarriage scare while we were in West Virginia. Thankfully this kid is as strong as they make ‘em, and his arrival has taught me so much about holding on to hope when things are difficult.
The Big Wins
What separates a big win from a big event? I think events can just happen outside of your control, but a win is a decision you’ve made that you can feel proud of and thankful for. Here are some of mine:
I launched the Grassroots Podcast
One of the coolest things I’ve gotten to do during my time with Plant With Purpose has been launching the Grassroots Podcast. I wanted a show about the environment where the conversation was being driven- not by political leaders, academics, or well-known influencers- but by the people who are actually the most affected by the environment. Rural farmers in exploited countries. Women. Children. And we also got to talk to some people I admire along the way.
I ended up working with the great team of Chad Snavely and Nick Laparra to produce this show, and I’ve been impressed with how high quality they’ve made us sound. I’m also thankful that this show has allowed me to interview everyone from Colombian ex-combatants to Shane Claiborne, Mozambican scientists, Haitian farmers, Matthew Sleeth, and my boss. I’m really proud of the product that came out, and I look forward to making more.
I started making videos
Late in the year, I started considering investing in a new camera. I picked up one with pretty good video capabilities and figured, hey, if I’m about to be a dad, I’ll get great use out of this. I was right.
I definitely use the camera a lot to get plenty of Rhys shots, but I’ve also started making short videos each week for YouTube. It’s a creative outlet that’s been a lot of fun for me lately and I feel excited to continue to work on video projects.
I started taking up boxing
I’ve wanted to learn how to box for such a long time. It’s one item I’ve had on my “Before I Turn 30 List” and this year I was finally able to give it a go. It’s been a fun sport to dive into! The blows to the face have been pretty minimal, and I have felt myself get into much better shape throughout the year as a result. One caveat- I haven’t been back since Rhys was born. Boxing probably isn’t the best sport to be doing in a sleep deprived state, so I may have to put my boxing gym membership on hold. But I’m glad I did this for most of the year. I try to always be a rookie at something, and this year, it was boxing.
We navigated an extremely difficult pregnancy together
There were about three major physical challenges to Deanna’s pregnancy. Each alone would’ve made us a high risk pregnancy, but the three of them put together was intense. Deanna got pretty sick twice during her second trimester, she began the pregnancy on a broken leg, and she finished it with a baby who wouldn’t flip upside down and required a c-section. She also did all this while at a high intensity job that is far more stressful than what most people do for work. We ended up at the gynecologist every other week, and I’m happy to say I was with her at every one of those appointments minus one.
The Unexpected
Over the course of a year, not everything goes to plan. When the unexpected happens, it isn’t always an outright bad thing. In fact, some unexpected things, like our pregnancy, turn out pretty fantastic. But what matters when these things come up is how we respond.
Deanna’s broken leg and housing drama
While this year ends on a joyfully triumphant note, I don’t want to forget how it began pretty much the opposite way. We started New Years hoping to put some of the hardship of the previous year behind us. We didn’t go two weeks before Deanna called me at night telling me that I needed to pick her up from a rock climbing gym because she fell and couldn’t drive. I didn’t realize that what she meant was her leg was broken and we’d spend the night at the hospital.
She had to be off her feet for the next eight weeks, during which I took care of most chores like walking Beignet, while picking her up and dropping her off at work every day. We also entered a super chaotic February where we needed to pack and move from our house without knowing where we’d end up. That added an almost daily trip to the storage unit on to my packed schedule, and a lot of cardboard boxes to our lives. We ended up basically moving twice in a month. I’m so thankful I was able to just keep taking care of the day’s problems one at a time, and I think that crisis mode was a poetic way to prepare us to end the year as parents.
Not going outside as much
One of my goals for 2019 was to go outside more often. More camping trips, more hikes, more paddleboarding. I missed when we lived in Oregon and could do those excursions pretty much every other week. Well… that goal didn’t exactly happen.
Deanna’s tricky pregnancy would make “roughing it” lose its appeal. No worries, though. We’ll simply take on this goal in 2020 and beyond with a new camper in the crew.
Two postponed trips
Two trips I was really looking forward to this year ended up not happening- but they’ll probably happen again some time in the future.
I was supposed to take a group from my church to the Dominican Republic to visit a Plant With Purpose community that they support. Unfortunately, the timing didn’t work out for a few key participants on the trip so we had to reschedule. But hopefully this is something I can pick back up at another time.
I was also planning a trip to Alaska in September to visit my 50th state. But- that was pretty late in our pregnancy and we were on travel restriction by then. That’s something I’m looking forward to in 2020!
Some financial roller coasters
This year was probably one of our hardest years financially. Not like, skipping meals hard, but y’know, we’ve had to get a little more creative to make things go further.
It’s funny to say that, since we are actually collectively earning more than we’ve ever earned in the past. We also bought our house, and so we’re in many ways more financially secure than ever. But also- our needs have grown quite a bit. Having a kid will do that. And this year, we had two unexpected emergency room visits, an emergency iPad repair, a couple of needed repairs to the Volvo that might be falling apart. We’ve also been missing about 30% of our income recently, due to being on parental leave, but I’m thankful for workplaces and state systems that still allow us to have a decent income while bonding with Rhys.
The Year of Joy
So what to make of a year when the thing we waited long for, but didn’t expect happens? You could call it a Year of Hope- though, surprisingly that’s what I labeled 2018. Because I think it’s during the darkest hour, when hope seems lost, that it matters most.
So what comes after a hard season of hope?
Looking back over all these pieces… it’s been a year of joy. It’s been a year of looking at places where there once was devastation and ruin and seeing life.
Where there used to be a cloud of uncertainty and not knowing where we’d live as Deanna’s leg healed, there’s now the warmth and comfort of the Marlborough House.
Where there used to be conflict between the Colombian military and armed guerilla members, there are now students and community members working to make Viotá a hub of sustainable ecotourism.
Where there used to be month after month of negative pregnancy tests, there is now baby gear scattered all over the place.
I think back to the way this year started. On New Years’ Day, we hung out at my parents’ house, playing Tokkaido and watching Crazy Rich Asians. My stepdad unintentionally brought up the subject of us having kids, accidentally triggering a tearful night at the start of the year. Now, looking back over the first several weeks of Rhys’ life, I have never been in a sweeter, more joyful season than the one I’m in right now.
It’s been quite the year, and I really like where we are to begin 2020. There’s a lot to look forward to as well. But I’m in no rush. If anything, this is the point where I especially want things to go by extra slow. These days are too sweet and joyful to rush.